OK. I was sitting here having chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk when your post came up on my google reader… and I almost spewed milk out of my nose.
You and Tony are in a group of 4 because we frequently have to clean the pee off the heads of our dogs. Or watch them try to remove long grass which hangs from their balloon knots (I say “watch” but there has been an incident which involved removal and a needle nose pliers). Or yell at Booker for violating The Chew. I could go on…
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This is kind of sinister, really. Like you said, they’re probably just on vacation, but my mind of course immediately goes to “there are people being held captive in the basement/the house is a meth lab/baaaaaad things are happening there.”
I don’t know why, but this story reminds me of the time I heard three loud bangs and made a call to my local police department. I felt like a real tool, but I was like, “It may have been gunshots. I don’t know.” I didn’t want to not call the police and have someone be dead like Kitty Genovese. Thankfully, nothing happened, but the cops did come zooming down the street moments later. It’s comforting to have good cops.
I know, right? Simon Cowell’s response made me go a little soft in the niblets, too. My friend Amy asked if I thought the Claymates would be disappointed, if they were that deluded, and I was like, “Well, if my friend Danielle is any indication, this is like gay Christmas” (Ghristmas? I don’t know.)
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About Me
vegan. teacher. opinionated. loves books, shoes, hanson, ‘the amazing race’, the 80s, ‘waiting for guffman’, mid-afternoon naps, musicals and breakfast cereal. four cats. one redhead. hi.
I don’t think I can say it enough. I love Ikea. With the exception of about three things, our entire house is has been furnished by the good company of Sweden. Some of my favorite new purchases include this lamp and these chairs. In red, of course.
I bought this book: Beginning CSS Web Development: From Novice to Professional by Simon Collison with a gift card over the summer. It’s fantastic! I am a complete novice with this sort of thing, but I’m learning quickly thanks to this book. Thanks to Collison, I’ll never forget to top center my background image again.
If you like playing with color and color palettes, you’ll love this site - Colour Lovers. I’m playing with a blog redesign right now and it’s the perfect place to create a palette. Fun!
This was a mess, for sure, but it definitely wasn’t the biggest mess on the runway. At least his dress looked like the inspiration photo. I’m just glad Keith didn’t get booted.
Blayne
Pride parade? Yes. Runway? No. It resembles the photo, but not in a good way. I guess only one ruffled disaster can be in the bottom three, though.
Joe
Again with the literal. First the pasta skirt and now this? I despise this dress. This guy has got to go.
Emily
Blayne’s ruffles looked like part of the dress. These look like they were glued on. More annoying than the dress was her insistence that the dress was fabulous. It wasn’t.
Leanne
Stunningly beautiful. I think she was genuinely surprised that she didn’t win. Honestly, I was too, but the more I look at Kenley’s dress, the more I see why she won. Leanne’s design is a wonderful take on a classic look, but Kenley’s is completely fresh and different. Still, Leanne’s had to have lost by a fraction of a point, really. It’s just gorgeous.
Jennifer
This Mary Poppins number is a mess and a half. The piano keys on the cuffs and the hemming? Yikes. I was shocked to see this slide through but I do like Jennifer and want to see more of her viewpoint.
Jerell
This was beautiful but it’s been done before. Like, a lot.
Kelli
Very cool, funky and unique. Not a winner, but definitely a solid design.
Daniel
Another solid design, but where’s the risk? I’m not seeing any here. This is a safe dress.
Kenley
I adore this dress. The unusual print (risk), the exposed ombre tulle (risk), the shape and silhouette (risk) - all paid off. Not to mention that Shannone walked that dress like nobody’s business. Kenley pushed the boundaries of safety with this design and she definitely deserved the win.
Suede
This look gets one and a half finger guns.
Stella
While this look has a limited audience and Stella runs the risk of becoming a one-trick pony if she doesn’t break away from her leatha looks, this outfit is rockin’. The brightness of the halter top makes it look less biker chick and more biker chic.
Korto
LOVE. Making a jumpsuit could be risky, it was a brilliant risk and she totally pulled it off. That neckline and the fit is phenomenal.
Terri
A great look. The backless top offers an element of surprise to the whole outfit. I love when a designer pulls of a really great pair of pants, too.
The verdict? The right designs won and lost this week, even though the decisions were shocking in the moment.
This is what stylish bitches with taste wear out in the rain.
You, however, are going to wear orange garbage bags with hoods.
This looks like the gay “Eye of The Tiger” video.
Ok, designers, the producers are going to recycle yet another Project Runway challenge, only this time, at night, so they can pretend it’s different.
Sorry, Korto and Kelli. We only meant to drop Joe off by the trash heap.
While everyone takes their artsy fartsy pictures, Jennifer takes a picture of this:
Dare I hope for this to walk down the runway?????
The designers go shopping at Mood.
Terri serendipitously finds THE perfect fabric.
Which is totally not the fabric she used for her final look. Way to go, editors.
Back in the studio, the designers spend the day worrying about what everyone else is doing instead of focusing on their own garment.
Tim makes his rounds.
Terri tries to explain her design perspective to Tim.
Maybe after a few more holla at cha boys…
This shot made me think Keith was going to be auf’d. Remember what happened to poor shirtless ironing Wesley last week?
What was that thing Nina said last week again about shiny, tight, and short?
Oh yeah.
I was sure Terri was going to win after all that “girl you want to know” business from La Kors and the whole story about “her girl” on the runway. It was so reminiscent of Uli’s “she likes party and goes shopping for more fabolos clothes” story that Ivanka Trump went bananas for. I thought any time you have a silly story about an outfit, that outfit must win.
WRONG!
How cute was she?
And then…
SURPRISE!
Totally shocked. I thought for sure the Flava Flav clock dress was going to be the judges’ least favorite. In the end, I was glad to see Jennifer stay because I’d like to see more of the surrealism she’s always talking about in her fashion. More on the dresses themselves coming up!
At first I was all *shrug* about this season’s designers, but I have to admit, some of these bitches are growing on me. Others, not so much.
Let’s start with Daniel.
Aw, he misses Wesley Short Pants. From what I hear, they kept connecting once the show wrapped.
He wasn’t as much of a nervous Nellie this week. Look, he even smiled.
And said Jennifer’s dress didn’t look chic to him. Go on with your bad self!
And OMG, the outfits!
80s band member one day,
Hogwarts student the next.
Fortunately he let his inner skittishness come through when it really mattered.
That ghetto hem troubled him so.
Could you lift that boob up, because there is no way I’m touching that thing.
THE SCISSORS, THE SCISSORS, OMG WHERE ARE THE SCISSORS? I love how he always has people helping him or caring for him somehow. He’s so fragile.
Good night, buddy.
Good night, John Boy.
Oh, Blayne. Damn you for growing on me.
Damn your faces
and the way you say “simulating” instead of “stimulating”
and your weirdness
and your complete lack of ass.
But mostly, damn you for being the one to get Tim Gunn to say “Holla at cha boy!”
I actually love Stella.
I love her whining - “HOW DOES THIS WOOOOORK?”
her complaining = “WHOOO’S GONNA HELLLLP MEEEEE?”
and her attitude.
“There’s no way Tim Gunn’s taking us all to his house.” Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
Girlfriend don’t care. And yet, there’s something soft and kind about her, too. Plus she did rock the shit out of her outfit this week, but more on that later.
Terri?
Love.
Especially in her little yellow wellies.
I’m cutting Keith some slack
on dragging out the old “I’m not here to make friends” cliche
and the rat tail
because OMG SUPER SWEET GAY EX-MORMON FROM UTAH IN THE BIG CITY WHO SAYS SHITE INSTEAD OF SHIT AND MAKES DANIEL’S BED! 111!!!!!PONIES!!!!!11
Jerell:
Um.
I don’t even know what to say.
Kenley:
Adore. That whole “modern day calendar girl look?” YES.
Oh, poor dear Jennifer.
Any idea why her dress turned out “matronly”?
Any ideas at all?
Still, I really like Jennifer. She’s humble and sweet and clearly works hard.
Unlike Emily
who thought her ugly-ass dress was the shit and winked at Jennifer on the chopping block, like, “It’s gonna be sad to see you go.” When you’re Kenley, you don’t have to take Tim’s advice. When you’re Emily and you’re making a Carmen-Miranda-does-West-Side-Story-at-the-Tropicana, you TOTALLY do.
And speaking of people who don’t know what they’re doing…
This guy may be my least favorite PR contestant EVER. His whole “too many queens” comment in the previews for next week was almost too much for me to handle, I don’t care what he meant when he said it.
“Kenley’s dress is ugly. It’s too Fort Lauderdale. Blah blah blah blah blah.” Oh but wait, who won that challenge, Joe? Right. SO. MUCH. HATE. Also, please never say “Let’s get ready to RUNWAY” ever ever ever ever again.
Try not to die of jealousy but I am now the proud owner of eight episodes of The 20-Minute Workout on DVD. 80s freaks like me remember this as THE best aerobic workout of the decade. Three women, in matching leotards and legwarmers, led a short exercise routine on a revolving platform in a stark white room. I still hear Bess Motta’s “four more, three more, two more...” echoing in my head from time to time. Well, now I can hear it whenever the hell I want! I love this workout and can’t wait to start doing it again.
I’m a little late on this one. Those of us who weren’t spoiled by Food Network’s colossal mistake in revealing the winner on their website before the finale aired watched with great anticipation to see who would be granted the title of The Next Food Network Star. This season was the first in which the audience didn’t vote for the winner, instead, the winner was chosen by the judges. No doubt this was a result of the events from last season when winner Amy Finley taped a single series and then moved to France with her family. The network likely would have chosen Rory as their winner and probably decided to leave nothing to chance this time around.
So who would it be?
Lisa?
Adam?
Aaron?
After weeks of constructive criticism, Bob, Susie and Bobby lavished the three finalists with praise.
Producer Gordon Elliott said any of the three could have a successful show on the network. Then again, what else is he going to say? He produced them all.
The eliminated contestants pretended to look happy for the three chefs on stage. Well, except for Cory.
I think we all know who Tony and I wanted. Elsa FTW!
Going into the finale, I predicted Lisa as the winner. Her show, Beautiful Basics, was exactly that. Although a different color choice of dress against the color scheme of Rachael Ray’s hideous set would have made the “beautiful” part stand out a bit more.
Look up, Elsa. For the love of god, look up.
She did a lot of this arm-sweep movement thing during her presentation. Not sure what that was, but I liked it. Very authoritative.
Lisa did a lot of stuff when she was 13. Fishing, making sabayon, all kinds of stuff.
I don’t think I have ever said mmmmmmmm to cod in my life, but ok, if you say so.
I totally love this girl and would absolutely watch her show. Unfortunately I could tell as her pilot wrapped that she wouldn’t be the winner. Boooooooo FN!
On to Adam.
Hungry In Philadelphia. Interesting concept. Bad name. “Real” people contact Adam via Teh Internets with a culinary problem for Adam to fix. Sorta Food 911 meets How to Boil Water meets Ask Aida (no, I don’t think it was a conspiracy and no I don’t think they “stole” Adam’s idea) meets Emeril Green. I like it!
Yikes, Adam’s a little too announcer-y in his delivery. Not sure about that.
Webcampalooza.
Ew.
A few episodes ago, they were skewering Nipa for wasting a large piece of fish that she attempted to fillet. Now they’re hooting it up as Adam treats food like a toy.
Pistol-twirling those tongs? Totally awesome.
My gut reaction to this pilot was that it’d be the winner. Great premise, very engaging and funny host, cooking techniques that people could actually do at home.
Still to come...Aaron.
OMG. Big Daddy’s Kitchen? No. Please tell me that’s not the name of his show. Dear god.
I don’t know why but I could watch an entire show of chopping.
Aaron is clearly passionate about food. But I’m having a hard time understanding some of the things he says. “Marriage in your mouth” was all garbled. More like marbles in your mouth.
You need to get your eyes checked! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That was funny. I laughed.
Ok, now this whole “you’re gonna want what I got” business is just creepy and uncomfortable.
Could they show the audience (especially Bobby Flay and Shane) going berzerk for this guy any more? He’s totally getting the winners edit. Aaron’s got it. No question in my mind.
Ta da! I was right (the third time)!
Would I watch Aaron’s show? Probably not. Any one of these three contestants would make a good Food Network host, so I’m not disappointed in FN’s choice. If they were smart, they’d give Adam a webcast show so they could ease him onto the network quietly. And another network would be smart to snap Lisa up for a show of her own. I would watch her religiously.
Eh. It’s sort of 80s with the color and asymmetry, which I like. But overall, just eh.
Daniel
I love this dress. It’s fun and flirty and I adore the pockets. All skirts are better with pockets.
Emily
Not a fan of this dress. While Terri rocked the braiding last week with the mop head top, Emily falls short with her braided accents. Also, I can’t abide these dresses that sit so low on the model’s chest. Also also, way too short, but that’s the best she could do with the limited amount of fabric. I don’t hate this dress, but it’s not my fave.
Jerrell
Oh, hell no. She looks like a hooker. The model brought him great fabric and he made it look like the remnants of nonsense he was so worried about.
Jennifer
Super cute dress, but cocktail? I don’t think so. I don’t see how this dress fits into her “Holly Golightly at a Picasso exhibit” perspective, either. Still, a nice enough dress to keep her in the competition.
Joe
The hell? I just don’t get this guy’s work. First of all, I hate the phrase “looks like a million bucks,” which is what he said when he chose his model. After she put on this dress, she looks more like the Dollar General to me. That circular cutout has to go.
Keith
Girlfriend knows how to make a skirt, that’s all I gotta say. It looks a little like vaudeville curtains, but it’s made beautifully.
Kelli
Not my style, but I like it a whole bunch. She has a definite point of view as a designer, and it’s modern and fresh.
Kenley
How did this dress not win? My god, it’s perfection. The collar, the fit, the construction, the silhouette. Everything about it is spectacular. Kenley is really my favorite designer so far.
Korto
Oh, dear. I love her, but this dress was sort of a mess. The judges were exactly right about the fins. I definitely like the idea of an “inside out” look, but it sort of makes me wonder if that look is a little two seasons ago. Maybe if she took the fins off, the dress would’ve worked better. Also I think the hair, shoes, and accessories were all wrong for this look.
Leanne
To me, this is the dress that should have resulted in an aufing. It’s horrendous. Way too much going on, pockets in the wrong place, mish mash on top. Blech.
Stella
With the exception of the length, I absolutely love this dress. I have to say, I like Stella. I totally agreed with her about everyone keeping their eyes on their own work. The designers were milling around way too much, which I think only causes them to second guess their decisions and go the wrong way. Stella totally trusted her instincts and made a cocktail dress that represented her point of view. I thought she rocked this challenge.
Suede
Well, shit. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but it’s cute. I think on another model, the dress might not be so striking, but it really is unique and cool. I think he exposed just the right amount of red fabric, too. I hated it when he was constructing it, but the finished dress is super adorable. I could definitely see a Natalie Portman-esque celebrity wearing a dress like this. What I don’t understand is how the hell Bluefly is going to manufacture this thing. And I can’t see too many people wanting to buy it, but I’m curious to see what they’re going to charge for it.
Terri
Very pretty dress, but it looks like something I could buy off the rack.
Wesley Short Pants
I hate to say it, but this dress was truly awful. And I expected such great things from Wesley Short Pants, too. This design was all wrong for this fabric, and the poor fit didn’t help. What a shame.
The designers wake up. Before spending an hour in the bathroom to make it look like they just woke up, they have breakfast and chit chat.
“Hold on. You mean to say you have a health drink every morning? You? Have a health drink???”
“I know, right!?!”
Heidi calls the designers to the runway to pick models and find out about their next challenge.
“Do you see how fabulous I am? And I have three children. Life is not fair, designers.”
Kenley is smart and chooses Shannone as her model again.
Shannone is freaking gorgeous.
Jerrell is SALTY because someone else stole his model. SALTY!
Daniel is terrified.
Blayne is tan.
Licious.
Tim summons the designers to gather round. He announces the challenge - using “green” fabrics to design a cocktail dress for the model. Only, here’s the catch...the models will do the shopping!
Everyone’s all, “YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!”
Except Daniel.
He’s all, “Shit.”
A familiar look of terror creeps across his face.
He mumbles to himself. Probably something about how scared he is.
Stella bitches about the fact that the model, someone who probably knows nothing about fabrics, is out doing the shopping for her dress. Isn’t this the same woman who chose garbage bags last week?
Jerrell warns his model not to come back with “remnants of nonsense,” officially giving me my new favorite catchphrase. I can’t wait to use that one in a meeting.
The models leave and everyone gets to work.
Except Daniel, who stands in a corner, staring at his fabric and looking scared.
Here’s a tip. Don’t ever buy a house in a community where there’s a Homeowner’s Association. After dealing with an HOA, I’m starting to question that whole notion that private organizations can do things a whole lot better than big government. Well, that’s a little unfair to lump all private organizations together like that. HOAs are very similar to big government, with an order of socialism on the side.
About a year ago, we had an incident with our HOA which inspired the Beet Powder Haikus. Haikus seem to be the perfect way to convey the incompetencies of an HOA, so let’s begin, shall we?
Hmmm, what is this now?
June checking doesn’t balance.
What check is missing?
HOA payment
Let me call and find out why
Ring ring ring ring ring
Hello? HOA?
Did you get my June payment?
The check didn’t clear
No one answers me
Today is June twenty-fifth
I’ll send an email
Days and days go by
On July 2, I check back
Whoops, they forgot me
Sent me to a guy
Who manages the accounts
He says, “Let me check.”
Two more weeks go by
He never responds to me
I email again
Whoops, we forgot you
What’s your address again, now?
Let me look it up
Oh, yes, here it is
We didn’t get June payment
Now you have late fee
No shit, Einstein man
June payment was sent on time
I’ll send proof from bank
Einstein sees the proof
Removes late fee from account
But oh, what’s this now?
Another late fee!
Why? Because it took us three
Weeks to call you back!
Now I am pissed off
I am not paying a fee
For incompetence!
Einstein does not know
I have the name of his boss
Hee hee hee hee hee
