Friday, August 08, 2008
Project Runway 5 - Episode 4
Let’s just get this out of the way right now.
Hate. Hate hate hate hate hate. Ok, fine, I realize his “too many queens around here” comment was probably taken out of context to give him the homophobe edit, but still. On reality television, you only get the kind of edit that your words provoke.
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, we can move on.
at the Atlas apartments...
Uh oh! Keith’s shirtless! And bent over! And grooming himself! I hope this doesn’t mean an elimination!
Dear Bravo, we’re aware of your original shows, all two and a half of them. No need to flash them in front of Heidi every two seconds, especially when she’s wearing such a fabulous blouse. Have your people call my people and we’ll do lunch!
Is this the only shot they know how to get of Shannone?
Blayne can’t tan. Blayne sad. Blayne needs new hoodie.
Eye of the Tiger video - take two!
at the Armory...
Walking onto that field is probably the most athletic thing most of these people have done in, say, ever.
Is Apolo Ohno really qualified to be the guest judge, considering he’s sporting a soul patch?
Sports? You’re kidding, right? I went to boarding school! I’m only familiar with sports that involve white bermuda shorts and striped cable-knit sweaters!
Plus, I’m not a very strong swimmer.
THE PRETEND OLYMPICS!!! OMG!!!111!!!PONIES!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST CHALLENGE EVAH YOU GUYSSSSSS!
What.
Evs.
over at Mood...
You’re using...oh forget it. No one ever listens to me anyway. Make another damn garbage bag, for all I care.
Keith totally stole my fabric, but it doesn’t really matter because I am going to make AN ENTIRE COLLECTION OF CLOTHING worthy of the Olympic team for the opening ceremony in, like, twenty-eight minutes. SUCK ON THAT, KEITH!
back at the workroom...
How many pins do you think I can fit into my cheek pouches without hurting myself, huh, Kenley?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHA!
Shut.
The hell.
Up.
Tim! Tim! Look at my totally literal design! Look at it! Isn’t it literal?
Yes, Joe, it is! And look here! A totally trite idea for this zipper that the producers told me and the judges to gush over!
Oh hai Blayne. You can haz Sergeant Pepper’s outfit.
I don’t even know what you’re talking about.
Oh, god, youth.
Like, I only know the Beatles from Across The Universe, not even from Beatlemania or I Am Sam, I’m not even old enough for that. Or at least that’s what I’d like you to believe so I can get more air time IN MY PURPLE HOODIE.
Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Holla at cha boy?
Kid, don’t even.
Um.
But Ti-iiiihiiiim! I don’t DO athletic weaaaar! I do cocktail dressssssessssssss! I went to boarding schoooool!
The bolero’s cute. Very Wonder Woman.
But Kenley told me not toooooooo! I went to boarding schooooooool!
*begins meltdown #8752*
Oof. Um, you might want to start packing your things now, Jen.
In boarding school we were allowed to thread other people’s machines without having our sexuality mocked. Because that’s how we roll in boarding school. I think Wesley went to boarding school, because we were really connecting.
I hate Joe! Joe’s a meanie! He reminds me of all the bullies from boarding school, only with a bad center part and facial hair circa 1993.
after the Runway show...
I must be on crack, because I thought this…
was sort of cute with its athletic touches.
Nina wants me.
Daniel. Daniel Daniel Daniel. “If drinking’s her sport, that’s the dress.” (brilliance du Kors)
Seriously?
I can’t look.
That’s right. That’s how it’s done.
This Olympic team would look very smart. And chic. And smart.
Someone went a little crazy with the bedazzler on my top, don’t you think?
All together now...OH GIRL, NO. And especially not with a matching USO outfit.
I laugh in your general direction.
the judges deliberate...
This challenge drained my soul.
Well I think I know who has to go.
Prim and proper and ashamed of your body doesn’t work on this show, bitches. Hurray for sportswear and T&A!
Korto wins!
Terri is totally classy!
Jennifer goes home.
I guess it’s pretty surreal to talk about surrealism in design but never actually, y’know, show any. I liked you, Jen, but it was your time. Auf Wiedersehn!
More on the Olympic gear tomorrow!
I love: Shut.The hell.Up. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And yes, could Joe BE any more literal? Ugh.
I just about wet myself laughing sitting here at work. And you know I mean it when I say that.
I think you got it. Jennifer is not just surreal, she is meta-surreal! Which means that in her not-at-all-surrealness, she is even more surreal than anyone else could ever thing about being! Or something like that.
LOOOOVE the boarding school references. Bwahhahah!