My mom is the queen of saving everything from our childhoods.  In my parents’ basement, towering shelves are stuffed with everything from The Millenium Falcon to Baby Alive.  Among the multitude of toys most certainly drenched in lead-based paint was the newest toy that Alex has adopted as his own:

Hell yeah, that’s a Dukes of Hazzard guitar!

You have to love growing up in the 70s and 80s.  Only during that time would it have been remotely acceptable to put a picture of Daisy Duke’s heaving bosoms on a toy for children. 

The Lipstick Jungle Challenge

Blayne and Leanne

How is this day to night?  I’m unclear.  And what executive is going to wear skin tight low rise bermuda shorts to work, let alone for a night out on the town?  Somehow “muffin top” and “CEO” don’t go well together, I think.  This design did not translate in execution, and Leanne should have reined him in.  She probably tried, but took too long getting her words out.

Kelli and Daniel

I didn’t think this was as “slutty slutty slutty” as Michael Kors proclaimed it to be.  I mean, in Kelli’s world, this is probably a totally appropriate outfit for an executive.  At a tattoo parlor, but still.

Jerrel and Stella

How cute was Jerrel when he chose Stella for his teammate?  I love them both.  I could totally see Brooke Shields in that outfit.  And after last week’s Bo Peep USO disaster, Jerrel showed that he knows how to listen to and take criticism. 

Korto and Joe

Have I mentioned how much I can’t stand Joe?  Oh, I have?  Well allow me to reiterate.  I can’t stand Joe.  Not only did he talk out of both sides of his mouth during this challenge, (Oh no, Korto, it’s not too much, oh wait, here comes Tim, yes, Tim, I think it’s too much) he didn’t even redeem himself with a decent contribution to the design.  The sheath dress he made to go under Korto’s blouse was ill-fitting and poorly constructed. BOOOOOOOO!

Keith and Kenley

Why did this win?  Can someone explain that to me?  I usually love a high waisted skirt but this one didn’t do anything for me.  I did love the fabric on the top of the dress but there was so little of it, it was hard to appreciate.

Terri and Suede

All that drama?  For this?  To quote Heidi, it looks cheap, no?  However, all design errors are forgiven because this:  “I don’t know what he’s packing, balls or vajayjay, but he needs to work that out ‘cause I ain’t got no babies, ain’t nobody sucking on my titties. So please, man up.” is as good, if not better than “Where’s Andre?” and comes pretty damn close to “What’s up trannies?”

The Drag Queen Challenge

Oh, Project Runway producers.  If only you had given this challenge to any other season’s designers, we would have seen some big-ass frocks coming down that runway.  Instead, we got Keith’s rag and Daniel’s dress straight off the racks of G&G.

Redeeming the episode a bit was Heidi telling Chris March, “Your boos are so big!” as he marched onto the runway as a Disco Valkyrie.  He’s so fabulous, it’s insane. 

I am furious that Joe won this challenge.  Honestly, how original is a spandex JUMPSUIT for a drag queen?  All he had to do to get that fit was make the entire thing a half-size too small, and boom, ass-hugging greatness.  After Varla embraced him with a hug, he looked like he wanted to take a five-hour hot shower.  And yet, he surely seemed to enjoy putting that enormous brassiere on over his shirt. Maybe there’s a little DQ in him after all, eh?  Still…

...if Varla hadn’t given him the idea to transform the collar into a more nautical piece, he would have sent Pink Elvis down that runway and most likely would’ve ended up in the bottom three.  And that collar, hat, and belt look like they’re made from that foamy craft fabric used mostly by teachers and scrapbookers.  Varla totally worked that look, though.  The conspiracy theorist in me says that the producers are purposely giving subpar designs the win to drive viewers away before the show heads over to Lifetime.  Because under no circumstances was Joe’s work better than:

Terri’s

Amazing.  While Varla’s look was ten kinds of old school drag queen, Terri’s was fresh and new and original.  It was perfect for her client’s persona.  The boots!  Oh, you just know Michael Kors snuck into the workroom later that night and paraded around in those boots until daybreak. 

Korto

I loved this.  The removable skirt, the sculpted collar of flames - all very cool.  While her look was more “traditional drag queen,” it was much much more inventive than Joe’s which was merely costume-y and once again, way too literal.

Blayne

Loved it.  Very 80s.  Too bad his wings kept flopping.

Daniel

Oooo, my goodness.  I would have auf’d Keith, but this was awful.  He doesn’t take criticism well and he doesn’t take the elements of the challenge into consideration when designing.  Daniel just does what Daniel wants to do. 

Keith

She looked like Grizzabella the Glamour Cat in drag, that’s all I have to say.

Jerrel

I really liked this!  He definitely listened to his client’s concerns about the collar and transformed it into something really cool. 

Kenley

Eh.  It’s good, but I could see this on any Vegas stage.  I think she could’ve done better.

Leanne

Super cute, but not over the top enough.  It definitely represented her design perspective and fit her client’s personality well.

Stella

What I just said about Leanne’s.

Suede

Design: boring.  Pissing match: hilarious.  Should have been the other way around.

And now, back to whining that my vacation is coming to an end.

For now I’ll say that I really did have the most wonderful childhood.  The small private school we all attended had one class for each grade, so the majority of kids we went to school with were our classmates and friends for eight of the most important years of our lives.  The passage of time has not weakened the bond between us.  In fact, I think it reminded many of us of the unique and unusual experience we all shared.  I’m so glad to have these people back in my life. 

More to come on the reunion weekend later…

Blayne

I didn’t hate this, but I didn’t love it either.  It was a little more “and they call her...Charlie!” commercial than Olympic opening ceremony garb.  Also his model looks like Leelee Sobieski.

Daniel

Does Disney own Bravo, and do they have some kind of dirt on Daniel from boarding school?  Because this looks like something we should see in the Main Street Parade right before the fireworks.

Jennifer

I live in the south, where people really do dress like this.  But this challenge wasn’t to design an outfit for an elementary school teacher, was it?

Jerell

This is by far my favorite silly outfit of the night, for two reasons.  One, I love when the designers completely overthink the challenge and insist on putting “their spin” on things.  It only ends in beautiful, beautiful disaster (see Bo Peep above).  Two, that little USO number with the tilted hat he wore on the runway was beyond tender.  Every time I imagine swarms of athletes in this getup walking around a track, I burst into peals of laughter.  Love it.

Joe

Ok, not just because I hate him but I really hate this design.  First of all the skort totally doesn’t work with that long-ass front.  Aside from the sneaker stripes, the other thing I really really really don’t like about this outfit is the USA lettering on the skirt and on the back of the jacket.  It’s ridiculous.  Why not drape them in the flag while you’re at it, Joe?  With the words to the Pledge of Allegiance and God Bless America lettered on those bangle bracelets?  Because, seriously?  BANGLE BRACELETS?

Keith

Oh, look.  Another bubble skirt.  I think the owner of Jubilee Jumbles quit her day job and started working out.

Kelli

Last time I checked, hipster retro chicks weren’t all that into athletics. 

Kenley

If the winner of the 1958 Betty Crocker bake-off was delivering pineapple upside-down cake to the actual athletes, this’d prolly be a good outfit to do it in.

Korto

Yes.  ‘Cept for the leather.

Leanne

I was extremely surprised that this wasn’t chosen by the judges for the top three.  This was far better than Joe’s in terms of design and execution, and something a team could easily wear without looking at all costume-y. 

Stella

Sure, for the Blade Runner Olympics.

Suede

When did dancing in a Broadway musical become an Olympic sport?

Terri

I really thought this should’ve won the challenge.  I love the idea of a blazer.  I love the scarf.  I love the strapless bustier and the pants.  And the idea that she put it all together in the same amount of time as the other designers who produced crizzap.  Amazing work. 

Hate.  Hate hate hate hate hate.  Ok, fine, I realize his “too many queens around here” comment was probably taken out of context to give him the homophobe edit, but still.  On reality television, you only get the kind of edit that your words provoke. 

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, we can move on.

at the Atlas apartments...

Uh oh!  Keith’s shirtless!  And bent over!  And grooming himself!  I hope this doesn’t mean an elimination!

Dear Bravo, we’re aware of your original shows, all two and a half of them.  No need to flash them in front of Heidi every two seconds, especially when she’s wearing such a fabulous blouse.  Have your people call my people and we’ll do lunch!

Is this the only shot they know how to get of Shannone?

Blayne can’t tan.  Blayne sad.  Blayne needs new hoodie.

Eye of the Tiger video - take two!

at the Armory...

Walking onto that field is probably the most athletic thing most of these people have done in, say, ever. 

Is Apolo Ohno really qualified to be the guest judge, considering he’s sporting a soul patch? 

Sports?  You’re kidding, right?  I went to boarding school!  I’m only familiar with sports that involve white bermuda shorts and striped cable-knit sweaters! 

Plus, I’m not a very strong swimmer.

THE PRETEND OLYMPICS!!! OMG!!!111!!!PONIES!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  BEST CHALLENGE EVAH YOU GUYSSSSSS!

What.

Evs.

over at Mood...

You’re using...oh forget it.  No one ever listens to me anyway.  Make another damn garbage bag, for all I care.

Keith totally stole my fabric, but it doesn’t really matter because I am going to make AN ENTIRE COLLECTION OF CLOTHING worthy of the Olympic team for the opening ceremony in, like, twenty-eight minutes.  SUCK ON THAT, KEITH!

back at the workroom...

How many pins do you think I can fit into my cheek pouches without hurting myself, huh, Kenley?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  AHAHA!

Shut.

The hell.

Up.

Tim!  Tim!  Look at my totally literal design!  Look at it!  Isn’t it literal? 

Yes, Joe, it is!  And look here!  A totally trite idea for this zipper that the producers told me and the judges to gush over!

Oh hai Blayne.  You can haz Sergeant Pepper’s outfit.

I don’t even know what you’re talking about.

Oh, god, youth.

Like, I only know the Beatles from Across The Universe, not even from Beatlemania or I Am Sam, I’m not even old enough for that.  Or at least that’s what I’d like you to believe so I can get more air time IN MY PURPLE HOODIE.

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Holla at cha boy?

Kid, don’t even.

Um.

But Ti-iiiihiiiim!  I don’t DO athletic weaaaar!  I do cocktail dressssssessssssss!  I went to boarding schoooool!

The bolero’s cute.  Very Wonder Woman.

But Kenley told me not toooooooo!  I went to boarding schooooooool!

*begins meltdown #8752*

Oof.  Um, you might want to start packing your things now, Jen.

In boarding school we were allowed to thread other people’s machines without having our sexuality mocked.  Because that’s how we roll in boarding school.  I think Wesley went to boarding school, because we were really connecting.

I hate Joe!  Joe’s a meanie!  He reminds me of all the bullies from boarding school, only with a bad center part and facial hair circa 1993.

after the Runway show...

I must be on crack, because I thought this…

was sort of cute with its athletic touches.

Nina wants me.

Daniel.  Daniel Daniel Daniel.  “If drinking’s her sport, that’s the dress.” (brilliance du Kors)

Seriously?

I can’t look.

That’s right.  That’s how it’s done.

This Olympic team would look very smart.  And chic.  And smart.

Someone went a little crazy with the bedazzler on my top, don’t you think?

All together now...OH GIRL, NO.  And especially not with a matching USO outfit. 

I laugh in your general direction.

the judges deliberate...

This challenge drained my soul. 

Well I think I know who has to go.

Prim and proper and ashamed of your body doesn’t work on this show, bitches.  Hurray for sportswear and T&A!

Korto wins!

Terri is totally classy!

Jennifer goes home.

I guess it’s pretty surreal to talk about surrealism in design but never actually, y’know, show any.  I liked you, Jen, but it was your time.  Auf Wiedersehn!

More on the Olympic gear tomorrow!

Parker Foster Aiken, 6lb. 2oz., 19 inches, 08/08/08 08:08

This must be the happiest day of his life.  I’ll always have a soft spot for Clay, and it’s pretty tender right about now.  A baby is a wonderful gift.

Congratulations, Clay!

Sweet Dreams - (The Eurythmics)

Sweet Dreams video

vs.

In The Air Tonight - (Phil Collins)

Match 54

Heaven - (The Psychedelic Furs)

vs.

The Safety Dance - (Men Without Hats)

This summer has been a whirlwind of “Internet Friend” gatherings.  It started when my friend Wendy came to visit me, and we drove with our friend Melissa to Columbus, Ohio to spend the weekend with the “Clay Aiken” friends.  Six hours in the car singing showtunes and an entire weekend of parrot-quoting and bastardizing of song lyrics.  Many other fun and ridiculous things happened that weekend as they always do when we’re together, including a viewing of The Dark Knight in IMAX, the American Idols concert (where I somehow managed to totally miss a bald biker dude barfing his brains out in front of the entire crowd exiting the arena - seriously who gets THAT drunk at an American Idols concert???), and a very special event at the showtunes singalong bar. 

It was a quiet night at showtunes.  Only a handful of people were scattered around the main room.  The VJ took the opportunity to play some of the more obscure showtune videos on the big screens, probably his personal favorites that wouldn’t go over very well in a larger crowd.  I agreed to do a low-key version of my “Consider Yourself” marching routine, since Melissa made a special request of it to the VJ.  As the evening progressed, we couldn’t help but notice a beautiful, but extremely drunk, drag queen perched atop a stool at the bar.  She was having a bit of a hard time holding her head up, and not from the weight of her perfectly coiffed wig. 

Next to her was a couple whose attention she kept trying to get by yelling, “HEY!” in a gruff voice and touching the mustached one of the pair.  They ignored her, and after they left, she surveyed the straight couple next to her who spent the entire evening groping one another and making out.  We thought hey were a foul sight, and everyone in the bar seemed to think the same.  Including the beautiful drag queen, who promptly got up and stumbled outside.  We figured she was going out for a smoke or some fresh air, but she didn’t return until quite some time later, under the arm of a petite waiter who worked at the club.  He walked her to the back of the bar where the restrooms were located and went back to his work, alone.

Several minutes went by and Melissa and I started to wonder, and then to worry.  Melissa had to use the restroom anyway, so we decided to go check up on the intoxicated blonde dressed in a celadon green pageant gown with dyed-to-match shoes.  We walked into the ladies room and the door to the one working stall was closed and locked.  Seconds later, Miss Fancy Pants emerged, barely able to navigate the door to get to the sink.  Melissa went into the stall, started laughing, and said, “Oh honey pie, you pissed all over the place in here!”

Fancy Pants:  I...DID...NOT!

Melissa:  Yes, you did!

Melissa closed the door to the stall and took care of her business, while I helped our new friend out at the sink.  She was examining herself in the mirror, scrunching her hair to just the right volume, wobbling a bit all the while.  I went over and put my arm around her waist to steady her.  While she fluffed her hair, I fluffed her feathers and said, “You look beautiful, and your hair’s just fine.  You’re so pretty I wish I looked like you!” She turned to me and attempted a smile, then grabbed me by the small of my back.  She was facing the mirrored doors of the stalls and announced to her own reflection in an adamant tone, “THIS. MY. FRIEND.  DO. NOT. DISRESPECT.” I smiled at her and she turned back to the mirror.

Melissa came back out of the bathroom and tried to shimmy her way to the sink, but by this time, our friend had taken a compact out of her pocketbook and was beginning to freshen up.  She dipped the round sponge into the pancake and began applying the makeup to her face, saying, “Look at mama.  Look at mama.  Look at mama,” over and over again to us and to herself.  Melissa validated her efforts by telling mama she looked gorgeous but that her tits were a little crooked.  Melissa straightened her bosoms for her while I pulled at her dress, fixing her in places where she had gotten a little out of whack.  Once satisfied, we made our way back to the bar, walking behind our new lady friend in case she took a fall backwards.

Melissa placed her on a stool, and she promptly demanded, “Bah me a DINK.” Melissa asked her what she wanted and she insisted on a vodka and ginger ale.  Melissa said, “I’m not buying you any more vodka, sweetie.  I’ll get you a ginger ale for your tummy.” The bartender pushed the ginger ale toward her and we kissed our friend goodbye and returned to our table.  We agreed that before we left, we would talk to the bartenders about whether or not they knew how she planned to get home, and if she didn’t have anyone, we would take her home and tuck her in.  Only a few seconds later, another beautiful queen with a long black ponytail that swished when she walked came into the bar.  She made a beeline for Fancy Pants, pushed the ginger ale away from her, took her by the hand, and led her out.  Fancy attempted to wave to us as she left, but I’m not convinced it was because she remembered us as much as it was her curtain call exit.

We’re not sure if her friend found her after hours of searching or if someone from the bar called her, but we were happy to see she had someone who could bring her home safely.  She was a treat and a love and I hope we get to see her again someday.

Last weekend, my friend Jen was passing through town on her way to a work-related event.  Jen is part of the “Amazing Race” friends group.  We met up with Jenny and Elizabeth at a Starbucks near the Capitol, where a pigeon released a lovely load of diarrhea all over Jen’s camera bag and jeans just before we headed off for dinner.  Jen had just been lamenting the fact that she hadn’t worn something cooler, like shorts, but the decision not to change turned out to be a good one considering that turn of events.  We had dinner at Good Stuff Eatery, a new restaurant owned and operated by Top Chef’s Spike Mendelssohn.  It’s primarily a burger joint, but I was able to get a great “wedge” salad and Spike’s signature french fries to munch on.  The salad was really fresh and crisp, and the french fries dusted with rosemary were really tasty.  The atmosphere was fun and funky and Spike was a great sport, asking guests if they liked his food (I’d say yes, considering the line’s always out the door, which his dad manages expertly), signing autographs and posing for pictures. 

This weekend, Jen returned to the area before flying home, so Jenny and I took her on a mini-tour of some of DC’s sights.  We started out at the zoo, after a longer-than-anticipated wait for the metro made us late in meeting Jenny.  Walking through the zoo, we spotted a smartcart stand selling “Taco’s.” Jen took a picture and I asked the vendor if I could erase the misplaced punctuation on his sign.  It wouldn’t rub off, but I tried.  Jen took lots of panda pictures (pandas walking!  pandas eating bamboo!  pandas being panda-y!) and we anthropomorphized otters and penguins before leaving for the Mall.  A short stop at the Air and Space museum, and we were off to our most exciting destination:  Jim Hensons’ Fantastic World at the Smithsonian’s International Gallery.  OH. MY. GOD.  Can I just admit that I cried when I saw Bert and Ernie in real life?  I did.  I had to actually fight back the tears because I was so emotional about seeing these icons from my childhood up close and personal.  Kermit, Rowlf the dog, Fraggles, MahnaMahna and the Snowths, all right there in front of me.  It was clearly an emotional exhibit for many.  At one point I turned around and saw Jenny standing arm and arm with a strange woman, singing “The Rainbow Connection” aloud and swaying from side to side.  Everyone was smiling at them and it was a fantastic moment.  Throughout the exhibit, the theme of Jim Henson’s contagious and unstoppable optimism was pervasive, and you couldn’t help but have it rub off on you as you passed through each brightly colored room.  The show was wonderfully curated, with loads of sketches, doodles, and stories that captured Henson’s life as a puppeteer, experimental filmmaker and creative visionary.  I didn’t realize until yesterday what a huge impact Jim Henson had on my early understanding of people and society.  Not to mention humor, imagination and creativity.  Highly recommend. 

After Henson, we headed across the Mall to the Natural History museum, where we had a snack and started to get a little punch drunk.  Silliness turned to goofiness and before long we were embarrassing ourselves in the dinosaur room (I hope the crying lady is ok!), taking blurry pictures of phallic gems, and posing inappropriately with drawings of ancient Egyptians.  I still wish we’d bought the solar-powered blinking personalized keychain that said, “Jesus.” Seriously, is Jesus a more popular name than Jen or Jenny, because they didn’t have either of those.  Beautiful beams of sunlight streaming through the clouds and our heathen ways inspired us as we left the museum and walked across the mall.  Our little going-to-hell skit goes something like this:

God:  Jesus?  Jesus!  JESUS!  Put that damn X-Box controller down for five seconds and look at me!

Jesus:  GOD, DAD!

God:  Don’t be redundant, son.  Now listen.  I’m going to head down to that Smithsonian museum gift shop for a few minutes.  Someone finally created a keychain with your name on it and I want to pick one up for you before they sell out.  Don’t answer the phone and don’t open the door to ANYONE, unless it’s someone you know, like Peter or Paul.  But not Judas.  Don’t let him in.  You learned your lesson with him already. 

Jesus:  Ok, Dad, I won’t. 

God:  And for my sake, put down that video game and read a book for once!  I hear the new David Sedaris one is really funny.

On our way to the Metro, we incessantly parroted the theme song to Fraggle Rock, claps and all.  We pitied anyone who might cross our path in the next few weeks, for they would be subjected to the Song of the Fraggle at unexpected and most likely unwanted times.  Over dinner, we talked about everything from celebrity encounters to Jenny’s appearance on Jeopardy (against Ken Jennings, no less) to internet message boards to TARCons to Victor Garber’s giant ear..  We couldn’t for our lives remember the name of the actor who plays HRG on Heroes and we even managed to annoy a very drunk guy in the metro as we called out every man’s name we could think of in the hopes that it would spark our memory banks somehow.  Michael?  Joseph?  Peter?  Sam?  I think it’s a P name.  No, I don’t think so.  Are you sure it’s not Michael?  Yes, I’m sure.  Thomas?  Tom?  Matthew?  Mark?  Luke? John?  OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS IT? 

I think it’s safe to say none of us will ever forget the name “Jack Coleman.”

When I look back to 2003, I opened not only a box from Dell but also a whole world of new friendships.  Like the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer diorama at the Natural History Museum, the online world frightened and confused me, and I never in a million years imagined I would one day meet groups of total strangers who would become such fast friends.  Friends with whom I would one day walk through a fart cloud and double over laughing in a museum in Washington, DC.  Friends with whom I would purchase a sparkly silver vest to throw on stage at a Clay Aiken concert in Las Vegas.  Friends with whom I would stand in a movie theater in Columbus, Ohio, bawling over the death of Heath Ledger.  Friends with whom I hope to spend many more crazy weekends making many more hilarious memories. 

To ALL my friends:  here’s to a fantastic summer. 

Match 51

Every Breath You Take - (The Police)

vs.

Faithfully - (Journey)

Faithfully video

Match 52

Our Lips Are Sealed - (The Go-Gos)

vs.

Rock This Town - (The Stray Cats)

Look at my coat, designers!

This is a classic trench.

This is what stylish bitches with taste wear out in the rain.

You, however, are going to wear orange garbage bags with hoods. 

This looks like the gay “Eye of The Tiger” video.

Ok, designers, the producers are going to recycle yet another Project Runway challenge, only this time, at night, so they can pretend it’s different.

Sorry, Korto and Kelli.  We only meant to drop Joe off by the trash heap.

While everyone takes their artsy fartsy pictures, Jennifer takes a picture of this:

Dare I hope for this to walk down the runway?????

The designers go shopping at Mood.

Terri serendipitously finds THE perfect fabric.

Which is totally not the fabric she used for her final look.  Way to go, editors.

Back in the studio, the designers spend the day worrying about what everyone else is doing instead of focusing on their own garment.

Tim makes his rounds.

Terri tries to explain her design perspective to Tim.

Maybe after a few more holla at cha boys…

This shot made me think Keith was going to be auf’d.  Remember what happened to poor shirtless ironing Wesley last week?

What was that thing Nina said last week again about shiny, tight, and short? 

Oh yeah.

I was sure Terri was going to win after all that “girl you want to know” business from La Kors and the whole story about “her girl” on the runway.  It was so reminiscent of Uli’s “she likes party and goes shopping for more fabolos clothes” story that Ivanka Trump went bananas for.  I thought any time you have a silly story about an outfit, that outfit must win.

WRONG!

How cute was she?

And then…

SURPRISE!

Totally shocked.  I thought for sure the Flava Flav clock dress was going to be the judges’ least favorite.  In the end, I was glad to see Jennifer stay because I’d like to see more of the surrealism she’s always talking about in her fashion.  More on the dresses themselves coming up!

photo from The 20-Minute Workout Page - so awesome!

So who would it be?

Lisa?

Adam?

Aaron?

After weeks of constructive criticism, Bob, Susie and Bobby lavished the three finalists with praise.

Producer Gordon Elliott said any of the three could have a successful show on the network.  Then again, what else is he going to say?  He produced them all.

The eliminated contestants pretended to look happy for the three chefs on stage.  Well, except for Cory. 

I think we all know who Tony and I wanted.  Elsa FTW!

Going into the finale, I predicted Lisa as the winner.  Her show, Beautiful Basics, was exactly that.  Although a different color choice of dress against the color scheme of Rachael Ray’s hideous set would have made the “beautiful” part stand out a bit more.

Look up, Elsa.  For the love of god, look up.

She did a lot of this arm-sweep movement thing during her presentation.  Not sure what that was, but I liked it.  Very authoritative.

Lisa did a lot of stuff when she was 13.  Fishing, making sabayon, all kinds of stuff.

I don’t think I have ever said mmmmmmmm to cod in my life, but ok, if you say so.

I totally love this girl and would absolutely watch her show.  Unfortunately I could tell as her pilot wrapped that she wouldn’t be the winner.  Boooooooo FN!

On to Adam.

Hungry In Philadelphia.  Interesting concept.  Bad name.  “Real” people contact Adam via Teh Internets with a culinary problem for Adam to fix.  Sorta Food 911 meets How to Boil Water meets Ask Aida (no, I don’t think it was a conspiracy and no I don’t think they “stole” Adam’s idea) meets Emeril Green.  I like it!

Yikes, Adam’s a little too announcer-y in his delivery.  Not sure about that.

Webcampalooza. 

Ew. 

A few episodes ago, they were skewering Nipa for wasting a large piece of fish that she attempted to fillet.  Now they’re hooting it up as Adam treats food like a toy. 

Pistol-twirling those tongs?  Totally awesome. 

My gut reaction to this pilot was that it’d be the winner.  Great premise, very engaging and funny host, cooking techniques that people could actually do at home. 

Still to come...Aaron.

OMG.  Big Daddy’s Kitchen?  No.  Please tell me that’s not the name of his show.  Dear god.

I don’t know why but I could watch an entire show of chopping. 

Aaron is clearly passionate about food.  But I’m having a hard time understanding some of the things he says.  “Marriage in your mouth” was all garbled.  More like marbles in your mouth.

You need to get your eyes checked!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  That was funny.  I laughed.

Ok, now this whole “you’re gonna want what I got” business is just creepy and uncomfortable.

Could they show the audience (especially Bobby Flay and Shane) going berzerk for this guy any more?  He’s totally getting the winners edit.  Aaron’s got it.  No question in my mind. 

Ta da!  I was right (the third time)! 

Would I watch Aaron’s show?  Probably not.  Any one of these three contestants would make a good Food Network host, so I’m not disappointed in FN’s choice.  If they were smart, they’d give Adam a webcast show so they could ease him onto the network quietly.  And another network would be smart to snap Lisa up for a show of her own.  I would watch her religiously. 

Eh.  It’s sort of 80s with the color and asymmetry, which I like.  But overall, just eh.

Daniel

I love this dress. It’s fun and flirty and I adore the pockets. All skirts are better with pockets.

Emily

Not a fan of this dress.  While Terri rocked the braiding last week with the mop head top, Emily falls short with her braided accents.  Also, I can’t abide these dresses that sit so low on the model’s chest.  Also also, way too short, but that’s the best she could do with the limited amount of fabric.  I don’t hate this dress, but it’s not my fave.

Jerrell

Oh, hell no.  She looks like a hooker.  The model brought him great fabric and he made it look like the remnants of nonsense he was so worried about.

Jennifer

Super cute dress, but cocktail?  I don’t think so.  I don’t see how this dress fits into her “Holly Golightly at a Picasso exhibit” perspective, either.  Still, a nice enough dress to keep her in the competition.

Joe

The hell?  I just don’t get this guy’s work.  First of all, I hate the phrase “looks like a million bucks,” which is what he said when he chose his model.  After she put on this dress, she looks more like the Dollar General to me.  That circular cutout has to go.

Keith

Girlfriend knows how to make a skirt, that’s all I gotta say.  It looks a little like vaudeville curtains, but it’s made beautifully.

Kelli

Not my style, but I like it a whole bunch.  She has a definite point of view as a designer, and it’s modern and fresh. 

Kenley

How did this dress not win?  My god, it’s perfection.  The collar, the fit, the construction, the silhouette.  Everything about it is spectacular.  Kenley is really my favorite designer so far.

Korto

Oh, dear.  I love her, but this dress was sort of a mess.  The judges were exactly right about the fins.  I definitely like the idea of an “inside out” look, but it sort of makes me wonder if that look is a little two seasons ago.  Maybe if she took the fins off, the dress would’ve worked better.  Also I think the hair, shoes, and accessories were all wrong for this look. 

Leanne

To me, this is the dress that should have resulted in an aufing.  It’s horrendous.  Way too much going on, pockets in the wrong place, mish mash on top.  Blech. 

Stella

With the exception of the length, I absolutely love this dress.  I have to say, I like Stella.  I totally agreed with her about everyone keeping their eyes on their own work.  The designers were milling around way too much, which I think only causes them to second guess their decisions and go the wrong way.  Stella totally trusted her instincts and made a cocktail dress that represented her point of view.  I thought she rocked this challenge.

Suede

Well, shit. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but it’s cute.  I think on another model, the dress might not be so striking, but it really is unique and cool.  I think he exposed just the right amount of red fabric, too.  I hated it when he was constructing it, but the finished dress is super adorable.  I could definitely see a Natalie Portman-esque celebrity wearing a dress like this.  What I don’t understand is how the hell Bluefly is going to manufacture this thing.  And I can’t see too many people wanting to buy it, but I’m curious to see what they’re going to charge for it.

Terri

Very pretty dress, but it looks like something I could buy off the rack.

Wesley Short Pants

I hate to say it, but this dress was truly awful.  And I expected such great things from Wesley Short Pants, too.  This design was all wrong for this fabric, and the poor fit didn’t help.  What a shame. 

Your thoughts?