After five seasons, two specials, and innumerable “proteins,” the Top Chef franchise has finally gone vegan.  Top Chef Masters Hubert Keller, Anita Lo, Art Smith, Michael Chiarello, and Rick Bayless were challenged to prepare a five-course vegan, gluten-free, soy-free lunch for actress Zooey Deschanel and friends.  After being buttered-up with a burger Quickfire, the Masters went meatless.

When the challenge was announced, Chef Art Smith declared knowingly, “I smell a rat.” Not exactly, Chef.  Rats aren’t vegan.  And as far as I know, they haven’t come up with a rat-meat substitute.  Zooey Deschanel appeared on a monitor, informed the chefs of her dietary requirements, and a protein-addicted freakout ensued.  Actually, preconceptions about veganism, vegan cooking, and vegan eating began with the title of the episode, “Dietary Restrictions.” After all, veganism is all about denying oneself what one really desires, isn’t it?  Once the word “vegan” was pronounced, several chefs started thinking of all the things they couldn’t cook, instead of considering all of the wonderful things they could create for this lunch.

A few sound bites that I think embody the way in which some chefs approached this challenge:

Chef Michael Chiarello:  “Zooey’s diet goes like this: Think of all the things you love to cook and just say, ‘no.’ I love to cook beef. NO.  How about some seafood?  NO.  How about some dairy?  NO.  What about some eggs?  NO.  How about some pasta?  NO.  It’s all about NOs.  It’s off-putting to say the least.”

Them’s fightin’ words to us vegans.  For us, veganism is exactly the opposite.  Veganism is about saying YES to the variety of delicious, nutritious, and often decadent plant-based ingredients available to us.  Many of us scour non-vegan cookbooks, watch the Food Network obsessively, record episodes of Top Chef, and visit as many gourmet vegan restaurants as we can in our travels to explore the world of food.  Instead of saying, “Oh, but we can’t eat that,” we say, “How can we make that vegan?” We experiment with alternative ingredients to create vegan dishes from non-vegan recipes.  We strive to understand how food chemistry works to create fabulous baked goods and pastry.  We never say we can’t have something.  When Zooey Deschanel arrived on the scene, the first thing she did was apologize: “I’m sorry I’m so difficult.” Twice she said, “No one ever cooks for me. It’s so rare that I get to eat anything other than raw vegetables.” And worst of all: “There could’ve been some choices made that would have made this as good and make you forget that it’s vegan.”

That brand of veganism is exactly the type that people like Isa Chandra Moskowitz, Dreena Burton, and countless other spectacularly talented vegan chefs and cookbook authors are trying to combat.  Veganism should never be about what we can’t eat.  It should always be about the choice to eat a plant-based diet.  And yes, it can be delicious and decadent.  With respect, I don’t have “one hand tied behind my back,” Chef Chiarello.  And I certainly don’t want to “forget” that what I’m eating is vegan, Ms. Deschanel.  Why would I want to forget my own conscious choices?

Chef Art Smith:  “I’m not comfortable making vegan and allergy-sensitive entrees.  And so I decided to do dessert.  I was thinking I’ll make something with rice milk but I don’t know how to make rice milk ice cream.  So I bought a beautiful organic rice ice cream.  This dish...is it gonna be reflective of who I am?  NO!  But I’ll give it some love and most of all, hopefully the guests enjoy it.”

You’re not comfortable making vegan entrees, Chef?  You could have fooled me!  Chef Smith had already prepared a marvelous vegan dish in one of his Quickfire challenges, Multigrain Risotto with a Crispy Grain Salad.  This dish looks positively scrumptious, and it contains no animal-based ingredients whatsoever.  I can’t wait to try that recipe.  Chef Smith’s love for food, and love for pleasing people through his craft was clearly evident, and if he hadn’t been tripped up by the V-word, he probably could have come up with a beautiful fruit cobbler or some other Southern-style dessert that reflected his culinary point of view, just without all the butter and eggs.

Chef Rick Bayless:  “In the Mexican repertoire, there’s a lot of really super delicious things you can do with vegetables and beans and grains, and all that sort of stuff.  So I can do this thing!  When my daughter was young, she had all kinds of struggles that made her gluten-intolerant for some time, so I’m comfortable with what we’re doing.”

Can I hug you right now, Chef Bayless?  His attitude was wonderfully refreshing.  Chef Bayless understood that he could bring his particular cuisine to this luncheon with fantastic flavors and ingredients.  When presenting his course to the table, he was the only chef who said, “Pleasure to be able to cook for you.” Thank you for that, Chef Bayless.

The Menu

Course 1 - Chef Hubert Keller
White Gazpacho with Grapes and Vanilla Oil
Timbale of Avocado and Asparagus
Red Beet Salad

Chef Keller approached his course with the desire to “get that whole palate hopefully excited.” His plate was a feast for the eyes, bursting with color.  His food looked like a melange of lovely textures and flavors, although the diners and judges felt his timbale was a bit too dip-like for such a sophisticated course, but I appreciated that his decision to add fat to this course was a thoughtful one. 

Course 2 - Chef Anita Lo
Spicy Grilled Eggplant
Lentil Salad
Cashew Sauce

Chef Lo seemed thrown by this challenge.  I think her confidence took a hit during the burger challenge, in which she was criticized harshly by the judges (including Morgan Spurlock and Chef Spike Mendelsohn) for floating tiny burgers in a cheese soup, rather than going in the sandwich-style direction.  Perhaps her creativity and expertise would have shown through more had her confidence been at its peak.  Overall, her dish was bland looking, and although her Indian-inspired spices were praised, everyone seemed to find her eggplant mushy and oily. 

Course 3 - Chef Michael Chiarello
Quinoa Pasta with Salsa Verde
Pine Nut Gremolata

Despite his initial grumblings, Chef Chiarello executed a very successful dish.  I don’t know why he waited until Judges’ Table to say, “Italian food, in the end, does not rely on meat.  Meat is a secundo.  It really was a celebration of the tomato.” Everyone declared his course homey, satisfying, and delicious.

Course 4 - Chef Rick Bayless
Sweet Corn Tamales
Chili-braised Black Beans
Braised Greens with Glazed Mushrooms

Wow.  For me, this was the most beautiful course of the day, and the one that looked most appetizing on television.  I wished for a John Waters scratch-and-sniff page, so I could vicariously inhale the aromas of that plate.  Zooey Deschanel loved the combination of the sweet corn and the smoky black beans.  I bow to Rick Bayless’ greatness.

Course 5 - Chef Art Smith
Strawberry Champagne Soup
Strawberry Rice Ice Cream
Almond Brittle

Chef Art said, “This rice stuff is just awful.” He’s right.  Frozen rice milk is not very good.  Jay Rayner described a “cereal back taste” which is quite right.  But thousands of other vegan desserts are very good. Chef Smith made a mouthwatering almond brittle, drizzled with bittersweet chocolate.  I believe that if he had gotten out of his own head in the planning stages of this meal, he would have come up with a superb dessert for this luncheon, and blown all the other chefs out of the water.  Even Rick Bayless.

The Judging

Before I begin discussing the judges’ reactions to each course, I must comment on how much I loved Gael Greene’s fascination with The Vegans. 

“The Vegan that I was sitting next to was thrilled to discover there was quinoa pasta.”

“I loved seeing the excitement of Vegans at the table, finding the food to be so exceptional.”

“The Vegans seemed so surprised.  God knows what they get to eat!”

I took no offense to any of this.  I found it amusing, to say the least.  I loved that a schooled, experienced food critic could be so naive about vegans and vegan cookery.  Some of the finest Top Chef editing, that.  Bravo.

Judges’ Table was rather uneventful, minus a few notable moments. 

Jay Rayner remarked, “In my experience, vegan food tends to be a symphony of beige, but this wasn’t.  This was bright and vibrant.  There were lots of punchy flavors today.” Again, it fascinates me that foodies and food critics have this perspective.  I bet Jay Rayner happily eats vegan food all the time, without a second thought.  Once the Scarlet V was attached to this challenge’s bosom, everyone viewed the food through a completely different lens.  Of Chef Chiarello’s dish, Rayner said, “That was the dish today where I stopped thinking, ‘Oooh, it’s a vegan dish which I’m enjoying,’ to ‘Oooh, it’s a dish that I’m enjoying.’” Had Chiarello served him this dish silently and with no preamble, I wonder if his reaction would have been different.  I suspect he would have been using his highly evolved palate to scrutinize and enjoy the flavors, without presupposition.

Both Chef Chiarello and Chef Smith were questioned about their decision to purchase the main ingredients of their dishes.  Rayner: “Was there any point that you questioned whether you wanted to do a pasta dish given that you would have had to buy the product ready-made?”

Instantly my hackles were raised.  Aren’t all “proteins” ready-made to some degree?  Chefs rely on butchers to grind and prepare cuts of meat all the time.  Chiarello’s response was correct: “Oh, Italian cooking is all about celebrating the artisans of what they do, and making a hard pasta at home is never ever as good as somebody else that’s really set up to do it.” To Rick Bayless, he added, “Would you make a salami if Giuseppe the salamaria maker made a great salami?  No!”

Rayner to Chef Smith: “You bought that (rice milk)? Do you feel that buying the central ingredient qualifies?” I felt this question was somewhat unfair because to me, the central ingredient was not the frozen rice milk, but the strawberries.  Was everyone focused on the ice cream because it was the “vegan stuff?” I don’t know.  Nothing was made of Chef Smith’s Strawberry Champagne Soup, however.  I wondered, too, if anyone questioned whether or not the champagne was vegan.  While I did agree with Rayner’s comment, “If you go to any great restaurant, they never buy in any of their ice creams,” I think the focus here should not be on the lack of homemade ice cream, but rather on the fact that Chef Smith did not put his stamp on this course as he could have.  I did love his assertion that when cooking for a party, without a familiar recipe, a chef should focus on making a dish that tastes wonderful.  While he didn’t use his culinary expertise and experience to come up with a really special dessert, his desire to make something really tasty is commendable. 

Course 1 - Chef Hubert Keller
Diners - 4 Stars
James Oseland - 4 Stars “A thoughtful journey into meatless cooking.”
Gael Greene - 4 1/2 Stars
Jay Rayner - 3 1/2 Stars

Course 2 - Chef Anita Lo
Diners - 2 1/2 Stars
James Oseland - 2 1/2 Stars “Appealing spicing, but a too-mushy eggplant.”
Gael Greene - 3 1/2 Stars
Jay Rayner - 3 Stars “Big on taste, light on elegance.”

Course 3 - Chef Michael Chiarello
Diners - 4 1/2 Stars
James Oseland - 4 Stars “A comforting bowl of yumminess.”
Gael Greene - 5 Stars “A treat for vegans, a revelation for me.”
Jay Rayner - 4 1/2 Stars

*The winner of this challenge and episode.

Course 4 - Chef Rick Bayless
Diners - 3 1/2 Stars
James Oseland - 3 1/2 Stars “A joyous tamale.” He gave a “slight deduction” for the dish’s “lack of focus.”
Gael Greene - 4 Stars
Jay Rayner - 4 Stars “You met the challenge and cooked like Bayless.”

Course 5 - Chef Art Smith
Diners - 3 Stars
James Oseland - 2 1/2 Stars “Beautiful strawberries, but I wanted more cooking.”
Gael Greene - 2 Stars “A bit of a hodgepodge.”
Jay Rayner - 1 1/2 Stars “Great brittle, but so sorry you bought the ice cream.”

* Eliminated.

Hopefully Top Chef’s first foray into vegan cooking won’t be its last.  James Oseland offers praise for meatless living in his blog entry There Is Life After Bacon.  Of note:

I also think that making vegetarian meals turns you into a more thoughtful cook. Not being able to fall back on the sumptuous, umami flavors of meat lays your cooking bare. If you really want to get a sense of somebody’s ability in the kitchen, ask that person to do away with the chicken broth and ham hocks and other meats and meat-derived ingredients hiding up most cooks’ sleeves. Vegetarian and vegan cooking are essential, reductive: the core flavors of the vegetables that form the basis of this kind of cuisine are subtle, and the cook has to be attuned to how to draw out, complement, and emphasize those flavors. When it’s done right, such cooking can be extraordinarily sophisticated and refined.

Thank you, sir.

At the end of all this, I’m wondering what the producers’ intentions were in creating the topic for this show.  I hope the intention was to showcase vegan cooking, in the hands of highly capable and skilled Master Chefs, for all its delicious possibilities. 

It’s a rare occasion that I can visit the BRAVO website, pull up a recipe, and begin to prepare without thinking of substitutions or replacements.  I’m not complaining.  It’s just a fact.  After viewing this episode, I couldn’t wait to get Chef Smith’s Almond Brittle recipe.  Hooray, it’s available! 

And it calls for butter.

Zero Stars.