On Saturday's "Confessions of a Matchmaker," one of the dating dudes started a sentence with "If I were's to..." Were's. And he wonders why he has trouble getting dates. Patti Novak, however, continues to rock with statements like, "You can get out there and take a chance or you can continue to suck your thumb!" Love her!

My two-and-a-half year old nephew is obsessed with The Presidents. For a few fleeting moments (whew), his favorite President was George Bush. Currently? Rutherford B. Hayes, whose name comes out sounding more like Rubber B. Hayes. Now he thinks everyone with a beard is Rubber B. Hayes. The other night, on the phone, my brother asked him:

"Who's the president?"

"George Bush HAYES!"

Heh. The kid is funny.

If you've met my parents - who, I should mention, have been married for decades to each other and no one else - you know that they are two of the most hysterical people in the world who often find themselves in the most unintentionally funny situations. Like the other day, when they went to the Cadillac dealership to look at cars. There was some sign posted about a "GM deal," so my dad inquired.

Dad: "How do you get the GM deal?"

Salesman: "You have to be a GM employee or related to a GM employee."

Mom (to dad): "Oh, well, what about your ex-wife?"

Dad: *confusion and disbelief*

My mom was born with the gene that prevents her from buying anything that is not on sale. If a sale is available, but does not apply to her purchase, she will try to figure out a way to MAKE it apply to her purchase, as evidenced here.

They didn't purchase a Cadillac.