Here's a tip. If want to go to a concert where the music isn't all that important to you, and you'd rather listen to incessant conversation at the bar and tables, go to the State Theater in Northern Virginia!
Actually, that's a bit unfair. Last night, which happened to be my birthday, we went to the State to see my favorite artist, Howard Jones. We'd seen Howard's acoustic show in Annapolis, so we knew up front we were in for another treat. Howard is an equally amazing performer as he is a musician. He interacts with the audience in the most fantastic way.
Unless the audience happens to be the audience at the State Theater last night. Seriously, thank god we were in the front row because if I had to be in the midst of all that talking, I would have spent the two-hour show smacking people upside their heads. And I hate violence!
It was clear to me that for the majority of these folks, there was no such thing as Howard Jones before or after Dream into Action. As soon as he broke out into "No One Is To Blame" and "Life in One Day," the Chatty Drunken Bastards perked right up to sing along!
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You may remember that the last Howard Jones show I attended inspired me to deconstruct audience psychology. While this audience was populated mostly with Chatty Drunken Bastards, there are two notable additions to the original list:
1. That Guy. That guy is the guy who wears The T-Shirt to the concert. Sometimes That Guy wears an old concert t-shirt, sometimes he wears the shirt he got for "free" when he joined the Official Fan Club and became an Official Superfan. In rare (and very special) cases, That Guy wears The T-Shirt with an iron-on he made himself. Frequently, That Guy wears something under The T-Shirt, like another t-shirt or sometimes a short-sleeved button-down work shirt. That Guy is often spotted in the front row, facing the crowd. Crowd-facing is important because it a) helps him to spot other Superfans, and b) assert his place in the hierarchy of Superfans as The Most Super. And why is That Guy called That Guy? Because when you wear a shirt of the artist whose concert you are attending, other people are probably whispering behind your back, "Dude. Don't be That Guy."
2. Dancing Girls. Dancing Girls like to mosey their way up to the front of the stage over the course of the show. Their steps follow the beat of whatever song is playing, and if they don't have a drink in hand, they are probably clapping. Dancing Girls always travel in groups of two or more, and after every ten or so steps, the leader will stop, turn to her posse, and laugh as if they are all doing something quite illegal. In fact, they are not. They are merely annoying all of the people who got to the concert early enough to acquire decent seats and do not appreciate Dancing Girls standing in front of them, blocking their view. (Except maybe That Guy, who probably thinks Dancing Girls are awesome.) Dancing Girls often cross over into Loud Clappers and Caller-Outers, because their ultimate goal is to gain the attention of the artist on stage so they will then have a story to tell their friends for the next ten years.
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A concert just wouldn't be the same without thes folks. Lest you think I'm above any of this, let it be known that when Howard passed by the foot of the stage to shake the hands of the people in the front row, I was the first one out of my seat, hand outstretched. And I'm going to tell that story to my friends for the next ten years.