A few weeks ago, I got a new camera. I researched choices and decided on the Canon S3 1S. By all accounts, this camera could do everything but walk on water and fix you popcorn.

The only thing the reviews didn't say was that every single picture would turn out blurry. Not just, oops-I-shook-the-camera-a-little blurry, but what-the-hell-is-that-a-picture-of blurry. I expected that the shots I took learning the manual settings, but isn't auto mode supposed to be foolproof? Not to mention that the camera has image stabilization.

I read everything I could find about the camera. I talked to other people who have one. I tried online tutorials. My photos still sucked. Something had to be wrong with the camera, because I couldn't possibly be this inept.

The back of the receipt from Circuit City said that I had 30 days to return an item, with exceptions. Only it didn't say what the exceptions were. You have to visit their website to find out that digital cameras fall into that very category. Which means I was six days out of the 14-day return policy for cameras. Crap!

Today we went to the Circuit City where I bought my camera. An hour and a half later, I walked out of Circuit City with a brand new model of the exact camera I returned. The salesperson I dealt with was pleased that I was satisfied with the final result, but Tony and I were far from happy. We vowed never to shop at Circuit City again.

When we arrived, I explained my problem to Scott, a salesperson and manager of the photo department. Tony went to play video games. I thought I could handle the return or exchange without things getting ugly. Scott unboxed the camera and tested it out. Sure enough, every picture was blurry. We tested the floor model of the same camera. He insisted the pictures were fine, I thought they were awful. We were at a crossroads.

I felt that a camera of this caliber should take excellent photos in auto mode at all times. I explained this, and that I had already lost some great memories (Tony's brother's graduation, my students' plays and other school events) to the defective camera. I have a 3.2 megapixel Sony Cyber-Shot that takes better pictures than this camera. While he ran around the store, taking more pictures and talking to other salespeople, I waited for him to come back so I could ask for a refund. Remember how I didn't want things to get ugly? This is when things got ugly.

He returned and I asked for a refund. He explained that since I was out of the return window, I couldn't get a refund. I showed him the back of my receipt and asked him where it said anything about digital cameras having to come back in 14 days. He told me that they "truncate" the language on the receipt to make it easier to read, and that customers should call the store or visit the website if they are unsure about the return policy. I muttered that I thought that was the stupidest thing I've ever heard, but whatever.

I needed to know my options. Are you sitting down, because this is where the whole thing gets STUPID. My options, according to Scott, were to exchange my obviously defective camera for another one or to exchange it for another camera of equal or GREATER value. At this time, he suggested a Sony model - same number of megapixels, same zoom. I figured, what the hell, so we went over to look at this camera. IT WAS $140 CHEAPER THAN THE ONE I BOUGHT! I asked him how this was a fair exchange. He pointed to the megapixels and zoom, and said it was an equal product. I didn't see how the difference of almost 150 bucks made that an equal product, so I asked him if my credit card would be refunded the difference. Scott said, "NO."

Um, what?

No. No, as in, no, no? Yes, that kind of no.

I was like, 'OH NO YOU DI'INT. YOU DID NOT JUST SUGGEST TO ME THAT I SWITCH OUT MY CAMERA FOR A LESS EXPENSIVE ONE AND THEN JUST GIVE YOU, CIRCUIT CITY, THE DIFFERENCE."

I asked him where, WHERE did it say any of this on my receipt? It didn't, of course, so he walked me over to the front of the store and pointed to the dumbass sign they have hanging that explains (in totally vague language) their asinine return policies. It was a total end-of-Charlie-and-the-Chocolate-Factory-moment.

Scott went on to patronize us by showing us the 37 outstanding reviews that are posted about the S3 on Circuity City's website. Tony explained that those are all well and good, but we aren't taking pictures for those 37 people. Heh.

At that point, I was fed up with Scott and asked for a manager. He said he was the manager...of this department..., and so I asked if there was a STORE MANAGER with whom I might speak. He invented "Kim," the store manager, and then pretended to go in the back looking for her. "Kim" was conveniently at lunch and he came back with some awful lie about having spoken to 'other people' who suggested I take the difference in a Circuity City gift card, and wasn't I lucky to be offered such a wonderful deal.

I asked when Kim would be back from lunch.

"An hour."

"Ok, I'll wait."

At that point, Tony was on the verge of violence. He wisely left the photo department, while I continued dealing with Scott. Obviously I had few acceptable choices here, so I figured I might as well test out the other cameras on the floor while I "waited" for Fake Kim. I had Scott remove the security devices from a Panasonic camera, a Sony, and two Canons, including my model, the S3. I took test pictures on all of them, using an SD card I brought with, and then uploaded them to a computer in the store.

I couldn't believe it when I saw that the pictures taken with the S3 were PERFECT. They were professional quality pictures. I called Scott over and his mouth dropped open. I was like, "You should have let ME try the floor model. Then we wouldn't have had to go through our little screaming match!" Scott said I was right about the camera before (duh!) and asked me why my pictures were so much better than his.

"Because you suck, dude."