May 24, 2006

American Idol - Top 2

I'm going to base my predictions for tonight's American Idol finale NOT on last night's performances, but on hits that my website has gotten from google searches on the contestants. Behold:

Searches having to do with Katharine McPhee:

* Katharine McPhee heels
* Katharine McPhee bare feet
* Katharine McPhee boob slip
* Katharine McPhee boob shot
* fat assed Katharine McPhee
* Katharine McPhee seen kicking puppies

Searches having to do with Taylor Hicks:

* Soul Patrol shirt

Now, don't be fooled by the sheer numbers. Let's analyze.

Regarding the searches on heels and bare feet, some folks clearly have a Katharine McPhee foot fetish. They're much more interested in her below-the-ankle qualities than her voice. Does that equal votes? I think not. Others seem to be obsessed with her chest. Are these the kinds of people to call in votes for four hours after the show, or are they the kinds of people who will lock themselves in the bathroom for four hours after the show? You do the math. Finally, we have the contingent who would like nothing more than to learn that Ms. McPhee does, in fact, kick puppies. Or at the very least, scare them with her fat ass.

Regarding Mr. Hicks, all we have are people looking for Soul Patrol shirts. These folks are probably fans. Very nice fans. Fans who will vote for their idol, Taylor Hicks.

Based on this (somewhat) empirical information, I think it's safe to say that the victory tonight will go to the Silver Fox himself!

Hey, that email notification thingamajig works!

Sorry, back to the subject.

While I'd be lying if I didn't say that the "Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol! Whooooo!!!" is getting almost as old as hearing Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" song, I do think Taylor should and will win. (On the subject of the incessant wooing, I'm beginning to wonder if he is actually the illegitimate child of Ric Flair [end obscure 1980's wrestling reference].)

I don't really get the McHate though. She's got talent and uses it well. What did she do to make so many people angry with her? Did she sleep with their fathers, causing their parents to get divorced? Perhaps she did kick puppies. I just don't get it.

I expect it to be close because it's almost always close, and because they are both good. I may not choose to listen to Kat when she puts out an album, but I still realize that she's talented.

HA! Sideshow Bob! I called Corey Clark that same name, but it works for Justin, too!

When you put it all this way, I now realize that the same thing has happened to me over the seasons. Let's hope this is the season to break the cycle of evil.

I like that you omitted the Fantasia/Diana DeGarmo season, though, because we all know that season didn't really exist.