Joining me tonight is none other than original Joe Paradox member and doctor extraordinaire, REBECCA!

*waits for applause to die down*

Rebecca: Thank you, Danielle! It's great to be here in DC!

Danielle: Tonight we will be bringing you a point/counterpoint review of the American Idol results show. Shall we begin?

Rebecca: Bring it on, beeyotch.

Danielle: *glancing sideways angrily* Right. So. Since you're the guest, why don't you give your thoughts first.

Rebecca: I'm very disappointed that Paris was eliminated. I'm really sick of watching Elliott Yamin bob around on the stage like a torsoless head in a vat of water, looking like the caveman that he is. It's painful and he needs to be eliminated.

Danielle: Before I forget, I like your monkey pajamas. Now, I disagree. Is Paris an American Idol at the ripe old age of sixteen? I think not. She hasn't found herself yet in this competition, even after all these weeks. Once she realizes that she has the voice to join the ranks of the Diana Kralls of the world, and leave the Mary J. Blige crap behind, she'll have a huge music career. Also, the Crack Whore Stewardess look is not for her. She's a cute young girl. She should look like one. Regarding Elliott, you just crazy.

Rebecca: The best thing that could happen to Chris Daughtry at this point is that he be eliminated in the next round so he doesn't have to be Simon Cowell's bitch for the rest of his life.

Danielle: I agree, BUT, he did audition for the biggest karaoke contest on the planet, so next week, I think I'd like to see him in assless leather chaps with the word SIMON tattooed across his cheek inside a big red heart. And a pillbox hat.

Rebecca: Katharine. Katharine irritates the crap out of me. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure why she did a whole show on her knees, either. Not too suggestive of giving...wait. Do children read this? Will my father read this? My father would DIE. Oh, who cares. A blowjob! That's what it looks like she's giving.

Danielle: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

Rebecca: Who else can we comment on? Oh, Taylor. I don't even know what to say about him.

Danielle: I do. SOUL PATROL! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Rebecca: Oh. One more thing. Paula was not drunk this week, I noticed, but she did have some extra pretty hair extensions.

Danielle: Thank you, Rebecca, for your insightful commentary!

Rebecca: You're welcome, Danielle, it's my pleasure to be here on your oh-so-famous website.

Danielle: Yes, I'm sure my three readers will be thrilled to read your thoughts on tonight's elimination. Any last words for the audience?

Rebecca: Yes. Remember, when you go to the polls, some children SHOULD be left behind.

Danielle: And, it takes a village to start a sweatshop.

Rebecca and Danielle: Peace out!