April 30, 2006

Guess who I didn't really meet this weekend in New York?

Quick story. I should not be allowed free time in New York to putz around when celebrities are present. It is a sure thing that I will make a fool of myself.

We arrived in New York around 11:30, more than two hours before we had to head over to the Ziegfeld for the VH1 taping. The North Shore Animal League was holding a pet adopt-a-thon in front of FAO Schwarz on 58th. We'd heard this week that celebrities including Howard Stern's girlfriend Beth Ostrosky (who does a ton of great work for North Shore), Edie Falco, and none other than American Idol's Constantine Maroulis would be in the window, holding cute animals and allowing freaky strangers to gawk at them. Being one of those freaky strangers, we hustled over to 58th and Madison to participate in said gawking.

Beth, Edie and Constantine were no longer there, BUT BUT BUT! Something even BETTER happened! Right there ON THE STREET, not two feet away from me, holding CUTE PUPPIES, was JAI RODRIGUEZ from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! I started hyperventilating a little, because it was JAI! From Queer Eye! Being adorable! And fabulous! OMG!

I'm not sure if people weren't recognizing him or if they were being lulled into a state of starry-eyed druggedness by the fluffy kittens, but NOBODY WAS FAWNING. What the hell? I totally wanted to run up to him and be thirty kinds of fangirly, but as is my usual practice when "meeting" celebrities, I tried to play it cool. As you may be predicting, this always turns out to be a bad, bad thing.

I sauntered around the adoption truck for a while, cooing over the cute puppies and kittens and chatting with the shelter volunteers (who, by the way, totally kick ass) about the animals. After a few minutes, Jai picked up an adorable spaniel puppy. You have never seen a person hustle the way I hustled over to him to pet that g.d. dog. This is what went down.

JAI (to puppy): See! This lady wants to take you home!

ME (petting puppy): How about I take you BOTH HOME?!?!

JAI (immediately looking around uncomfortably for security): Heh. Heh heh heh heh.

And that was it. Another perfectly good celebrity encounter ruined, RUINED by my idiot ways. From now on, I'm not holding back. I'm going to gush. I'm going to squeal with excitement and jump and hug and lavish the person with praise and ask for autographs and pictures, because that's what's really going on inside me when someone like Jai is standing inches away! My Oliver-loving ass should have broken out into choruses of "JAI, GLORIOUS JAI!" It would have been less embarrassing.

You guys! I met JAI!

yay for you! i know exactly how you feel right now. i haven't met too many famous people but i always freeze up and feel like a complete ass when i do.

i have had the pleasure of meeting jai and kyan (together), but my best QE encounter was with thom, who was so amazingly sweet to me that i actually wrote down all of the nice things he said afterward. i'm the biggest dork around.

Um, Danielle? No one was fawning because that show is SO two years ago. Let me know when you meet Britt from 8th & Ocean. *Puts sunglasses back on, feels smug, and delights in the asterisks that Danielle hates. Heh.*

OMG! You met Thom! *touches you!*

Sandy, how sad is it that I don't even know what 8th and Ocean IS! *yells at you for using asterisks instead of pictures of Zsa Zsa Gabor*

Erin, I was totally thinking of you when I saw him! I wish you were there to be fangirly with me!

Okay, okay, okay!
We have a con.nec.tion, Danielle! My son had his pic taken with Carson Kressley (sp?) at a Contemporary Art Museum benefit here in the Lou! (I think he was relieved that Carson didn't say that he needed "man-scaping" and a better tush like he did to some other guy there. Whew!)
How I wish that some of your students could see you in the moments that you describe above! BWAH!
Learn to breathe deeply and go to your "calm place." I know there must be one in there somewhere! Hee.

OMG, Paula! Can I touch your son? If I ever met Carson, I think I would drool on myself! Sadly, I'm just as goofy at school as I am in "real life..." Too bad there's no celebrities there to witness the idiocy. Ha!

8th & Ocean is my latest ridiculous reality obsession. It's about 10 models living in South Beach, and two of them are twins, and there's this fierce rivalry between them, and the woman who owns the agency looks like a sculpted clay death mask. What's not to love? Tuesdays, 10:30 your time.