February 21, 2006

Let the ~~karaoke contest~~ competition begin!

Hey, remember Brian Dunkelman, the co-host of American Idol Season 1? Well, he's blogging over at Idol Go Home. The dude is FREAKING HILARIOUS. Who knew? It might be the fact that he's from Buffalo, or it might be the fact that he's not limited to scripted cheeseball lines, but seriously, check out his blog.

All right, bitches, who's going home this week? Let's predict, shall we?

For the girls, I'ma go with those that made me say, "WHO?" when I saw them in the top 24: Melissa McGhee and Kinnick Sky. Sorry girls, you're cute and all, but I have no recollection of your voice or presence. Probably that's because the producers of American Idol have done a FANTASTIC job since auditions of featuring the people that they want you to "vote" into the top 12, and you don't make the cut. Think there might be a reason why Simon was on Ellen today (no, I didn't see it - I have spies) talking about Taylor Hicks, Kellie Pickler, and Ace Whatshisface? Yeah, me too. Good job making it this far, though.

For the boys, I'm going with the guys with the Weird-Looking factor to get the boot. That would be Patrick Hall due to his freakishly long neck and wide forehead, and Bobby Bennett for his drag queen eyebrows that seem to be in some kind of competition with the pre-pubescent 'stache invading his upper lip. It's too bad, because I kinda dug his, "This isn't for fat people" quote, when he got the news that he made the top 24. I like self-deprecating humor. And queenishness, which Bobby also seems to have. Sorry, guys, but America is shallow and facts is facts. You don't see me lining up at the casting call for America's Top Model, do you?

Here's my quick rundown of the contestants, as if anyone really cares or this really matters:

Early pick for top 3: Ace Young, Taylor Hicks, Mandisa.
Contestant with the John Peter Lewis factor: Kevin Covais
Need to find a theater bigger than Kodak to hold their egos: Gideon McKinney and Brenna Gethers
Who?: Heather Cox
Fred Savage circa the Wonder Years: Will Makar
Didn't she win last year?: Kellie Pickler
Isn't that the girl from Fame?: Lisa Tucker
He's good, but he's no Bo: Chris Daughtry
OH GOD WHAT IS WITH HER VOICE MAKE IT STOP: Stevie "Phony Baloney" Scott
Damn, she really does sound like Billie Holiday: Paris Bennett
Who?: Bucky Covington
The return of John Stevens: David Radford
Growing on me (but on a short leash): Ayla Brown and Katharine McPhee
Your middle name annoys me, therefore I cannot like you (I'm shallow that way): Jose "Sway" Penala
Hope you make it to the top 12 - you have the voice to earn it: Elliott Yamin

Come on, all you closet Idol watchers - snark with me and tell me your predictions. You know you wanna.

Update: Ok, I totally changed my mind. Stevie Scott and Breanna Gethers MUST GO. Stevie Scott (and her stupid coy act) is officially my Most Hated American Idol contestant of all time.

My take on AI last night and my picks for the Top 6:

I LOVED Paris, Katharine and Lisa! (1) Paris reminds me sooooo much of Quiana! The way she jiggles and her bounces, I had Quiana flashbacks from the Jukebox tour during Paris' entire performance. Paris is like the love child of Fantasia and Quiana for me. Which is a very good thing!

Like you said Horrid Gurrl, I loved (2) Katharine's entire vibe. The song she chose, the way she sang it, her personality.

I had never heard (3) Lisa Tucker sing before, so I was very impressed.

I got home late and missed (4) Mandisa and (5) Kellie. But from the 2 second recap that showed at the end, I think they did well. I like both of their personalities, so they're going in my top 6.

I was kind of ehhhh on Melissa and Kinnik. They were good, but not great. I'm fine with either one rounding out the 6.

I hate with all that is in me that bitch Brenna. I can't stand people like that and I need her off my t.v. But unfortunately I think she's going to be on for a long time since the American public seems to love to watch bitches who talk back to Simon. Stevie was TERRIBLE! I thought Paula was off the drugs, but apparently not. I don't like Heather or Becky either, the talent isn't there and they were boring.