I'm not sure how my dad managed to pull it off, but he surprised my mom with a huge retirement party this weekend. I flew in for the festivities, which were fun, but this was the highlight of the event for me...

Those squeezable things belong to my nephew. I like to play the Distance Card, which allows me to monopolize his fat cheeks at family functions. No one dares to take him out of the arms of his only aunt. They fear my wrath, and rightfully so. DO YOU SEE THOSE BABY FEET? DO YOU THINK I'M GIVING THOSE UP WITHOUT A FIGHT?