Want to hear something REALLY embarrassing? Good. Because you're about to.

I bought Tony a bicycle for his birthday. Our new neighborhood is ideal for biking and rollerblading, and I thought it'd be nice for us to spend a Sunday afternoon in the Virginia sunshine now and then. It might do something to help us become less pale and transparent from sitting in our cave-like room, surfing The Internets all day. Target had a sale on bikes, so I bought one for him and one for me.

I hid them in the basement until I could give him his present. He loved the bike, tested it out and adjusted the seat right away. I did the same.

Only here's the problem. I'm sort of petite, and when I got on my bike, MY FEET COULDN'T TOUCH THE GROUND. AND THE SEAT WAS AS LOW AS IT WOULD GO. Jesus Christ. I am too little to ride a WOMAN'S BIKE.

We went to Target to exchange my 26-inch adult bike for a 24-inch BABY BIKE. I'm not kidding. I have to buy a girl's bike. Except girls' bikes only come in colors like "grape" and "fuschia" and "electric green." I might as well attach friggin' training wheels.

Next stop...Toys-R-Us. If I have to buy a kid's bike, I might as well buy it at a toy store.