This

is what I saw when I woke up today.

I just got back from Walgreens, and since I took that picture, more snow has accumulated. I’m fundamentally opposed to brushing snow off my car in April, so I used the “roll down the window” snow removal technique. It worked great but now my jeans are soaked since the sticky wall of snow always manages to fall inward.

I couldn’t wear anything from my cute new spring wardrobe to Sheila’s shower yesterday, thanks to this weather. The open-toed pink sandals I wanted to wear sat in the closet as I pulled on my black knee high come-fuck-me boots. My friend Lucinda would call them “fierce” (a shoe whore’s adjective of choice), but let’s face it, these boots have no business being on my feet in April, fierce or not.

I’m not a huge fan of bridal showers, but this one was particularly nice. About fifteen of us gathered at Sheila’s brother’s house. The food was homemade, the fireplace was crackling and the couches were oversized and comfortable. Sheila’s family is laid back and doesn’t go for a lot of fuss.

Sheila and Cormac are getting married in May. They’re made for each other in many ways, but there’s one thing about their relationship that connects them even more deeply. They’re both Irish. Sheila’s family is of Irish descent, and she still has family members who live on the Emerald Isle. Cormac was born in Ireland and he has the yummy accent and ruddy cheeks to prove it. They have a beautiful daughter named Mairead (rhymes with parade). They embrace their Irish heritage in every aspect of their lives.

They leave me no other choice but to mock them.

As Sheila opened one Irish-themed gift after another, we became aware that shamrocks and claddaghs would be the ubiquitous symbols of this union. I suggested having the servers dress like leprechauns and jig around the room while passing corned beef and cabbage hors d’oeuvres. The centerpieces on the tables should be spray-painted pots of gold with sun catcher rainbows protruding from each vessel. Each guest could take home a bar of Irish Spring soap as a favor. And if they haven’t had the invitations printed yet, they might want to consider the following meal choices on the response cards: filet mignon, stuffed chicken, and Lucky Charms.

There’s nothing like a good bout of stereotyping to lighten the mushy mood at a bridal shower.

I’d better get back to work. I’ve got some gold chains, pinky rings, flocked wallpaper and spaghetti sauce to pack away.