January 05, 2004
Ehhhhhh. God, I hate you Kelly Clarkson
Woo hoo!
I picked up my mail from the post office today, and look what was in the pile...
Tony and I ordered this CD last week from Zailor, and I have to say I'm pretty impressed that we were able to navigate our way through a multitude of websites in Norwegian in order to get this puppy. Sure, we could have found it on an amazon site, but muddling our way through the searching and buying process in a foreign language was much more fun. Plus, now I get lots of Norwegian spam!
This is how you make a debut solo album, people. First of all, many of the songs were written by Kurt Nilsen, so they suit his voice. Secondly, this CD shows off his vocal range and ability. His voice is absolutely haunting. Finally, the booklet has ALL THE WORDS to the songs. The one thing that pissed me off about Clay Aiken's Measure of a Man is the absence of printed lyrics and the presence of a teenybopper poster. (Sorry, Melissa. I know you heart the makeout poster. Personally, I'd rather have the words. Don't set me on fire, mmmkay? Save that for he who shall not be named.)
Speaking of setting people on fire, I'd like to see skank ho Kelly Clarkson with a few good third degree burns all over her screechy ass body, but not before I spoon out her eyes. Correction. Spork out her eyes. A spoon would be much too gentle.
I bitched the other day about her immature behavior on World Idol, but today just set me over the edge with hatred for her AND her eye makeup.
"The New York Post's PageSix reports that "American Idol" contestant Kelly Clarkson was apparently none too happy at having to settle for second place in the "World Idol" competition on New Year's Day. Growing visibly more distressed as the tallied votes from various regions showed she was trailing a gap-toothed Norwegian plumber, original "American Idol" winner Clarkson promptly left the set once the loss became official. The night's winner, Kurt Nilsen, was actually a fan of Clarkson's who had even flown from Norway to New York to hear her sing at Giants Stadium last year. Though his win was certainly a great surprise, the 24-year-old father of two was taken aback by Clarkson's abrupt departure, saying simply, "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye."
Who the hell does she think she is? And what's with her attitude? She sang "Oh Holy Night" on the American Idol Christmas special all full of 'tude, and there's only one person in this world allowed to do that, and it's Eric Cartman. Furthermore, a laryngitic Kurt Nilsen could sing CIRCLES around her and, she has the nerve to dis him by throwing a baby fit and leaving because her xenophobic ass didn't win?????
In the words of my favorite author, David Sedaris...
FUCK OF.
Eric Cartman
Well.....
Kelly Clarkson's a bitch
She's a big fat bitch
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls
On Monday she's a bitch
On Tuesday she's a bitch
On Wednsday through Saturday she's a bitch
Then on Sunday, just to be different,
She's a superkinkamayamayabeeatch
Have you ever met American Idol Kelly Clarkson?
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She's a mean 'ol bitch and she has stupid hair
She's a big big big big big big bitch
Big big big big big big big bitch, she's a stupid bitch
Kelly Clarkson's a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch
Talk to kids around the world it might go a little bit
something like this:
[Chinese singing]
[French singing]
[Dutch singing]
[African singing]
Have you ever met my American Idol Kelly Clarkson?
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She's a mean 'ol bitch and she has stupid hair
She's a big big big big big big bitch
Big big big big big big big bitch, she's a stupid bitch
Kyle's mom's a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch
I really mean it
Kelly Clarkson, she's a big fat fucking bitch
Big old fat fucking bitch Kelly Clarkson
Yeah
Chaaaa
2004-01-06 00:44:08
SillyRed
The comic strip Luanne is running a Clay Aiken storyline right now. http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index2&cid=1077 Just thought you would like to know.
2004-01-06 15:23:45
Liquid Human
Ooooooh the Kurt Nilsen CD!! The World Idol show was bizarre, but it was worth sitting through all the crap (Alexander? "Maniac"?) to see Kurt. What a voice! My sister and I are thinking of ordering his CD, too.
2004-01-06 16:49:20
Liquid Human
Can I ask you how much the shipping cost from Zailor? I was looking on amazon and the cd costs 14,99 and the shipping is 13,00 Euro (a total of 45 Canadian dollars). Is it cheaper through Zailor? My Norwegian is a little rusty.
2004-01-06 17:10:00
Ashlee
I didn't get to watch the World Idol results show because my TV went out.. so I had to call my friend and have her put the phone up to her TV... lol.. Those are some good pictures of Kurt man.... still weird lookin'.. but good.. lol
2004-01-06 17:13:32
Will
Okay, Tony now "hearts" everything, and you put "xenophobic" in bold... *sings* One of these things is not like the other, one of these things is not the same...
2004-01-06 17:15:57
Erin
Thanks Danielle for the Zailor tip! I attempted to order Kurt's CD yesterday but couldn't find it anywhere!
My CD is on its way from Norway. Liquid Human, it was $37 American dollars through Zailor. Does that help?
2004-01-06 20:02:03
Wendy in FL
OMG .. I love Eric Cartman and his big fat bitch song ...
2004-01-07 18:51:32
Madeira River
You are, simply put, awesome. The poem is a tad weird, but if it's about the ultimate hatred of Kelly Clarkson, who cares?
2005-03-25 22:27:34