I am the biggest klutz ever to walk the planet.
I'm amazed that I, the woman who has been dancing for the greater portion of her life, can trip and fall over a grain of rice. I can walk in heels on uneven icy pavement, but I am forever falling out of chairs, hitting my head and injuring myself needlessly.
A few days ago, I fell down the stairs. There was no obstacle on the steps to impede the flow of traffic, and I was not wearing slippery socks. No. The sheer ineptitude of my feet to coordinate alternate movement caused me to bounce down four hardwood risers on my ass. Good thing it's cushioned nicely.
Last night, I was running from the living room to the kitchen. Don't ask why. I'll tell you why another day, but for now, let's pretend I had something in the oven that was burning, mmmkay? I took off at a clip in my red, white and black striped socks, and as I turned the corner into the kitchen, I wiped out. I made an attempt to catch myself on the kitchen counter, but lack of balance and gravity won out in the end. I hit my head, specifically, my ear, on the cupboard on the way down, sliced up the base of my pointer finger on my right hand, and landed on my left shoulder. Hard.
When I got up, I tried to lift my left arm, but the muscle kept spasming and my entire arm was trembling. Instinct told me to bend my elbow and rest my arm against the front of my body. It felt better, but I had a hunch I had done some damage to this arm. For the next few hours, my left hand kept quivering uncontrollably and the ache in my shoulder wouldn't cease. I figured it would be better the next day, and went to bed early.
I didn't sleep much last night, and when I got out of bed to get ready for work, my arm was pretty much immobile. I couldn't lift it independently. Shit. I decided not to fool around in case I had fractured or broken a bone, though I knew that was not likely. The more probable scenario was that I dislocated my shoulder or did some damage to my rotator.
And so, today I spent the greater portion of the afternoon at the emergency room, getting felt up by a med student and holding still for the x-ray technician. The final diagnosis? No fractures or breaks, but a fair amount of torn ligaments and a nice healthy sprain. They stuck my arm in a sling and gave me a prescription for Tylenol with codeine, which I promptly threw in the garbage. They suggested rest and ice as needed, and told me if I didn't have relief and movement in a week, to call my doctor for an orthopedic referral.
In case you're wondering when this boring, mundane entry is going to get remotely interesting, it's now. This is what was hanging on the wall outside the x-ray department at the hospital.
Funny, huh?