Fran and I say that if we lived in the same city, our lives would be a mirror image of "Will and Grace." He'd be my gay husband and I'd be his straight wife.
It's a good thing he moved to Chicago.
Except I miss him like crazy.
A few weeks ago, Fran came home for a visit and I remembered why I love this man so much. We gabbed and sang and laughed and bitched the entire time we were together. I ate gummy dinosaurs while he got ready for dinner. I poked his rock hard abs and admired his black summer shoes while he told me about his upcoming trip to Spain. I smelled his cologne and hair gel while enjoying his tales of parties and general debauchery.
On the way to the restaurant, I forced him to listen to Clay Aiken CDs. The blasphemous fool hadn't watched one second of American Idol and I needed to give him a crash course in Clay. Of course, he adored the man from the first note to the very last and within minutes we were singing harmony to "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me". Fran gushed over Clay's voice and song selections and I loved him all the more.
Through dinner, we giggled like teenagers, reminisced about the fun we had Back in the Day and ribbed each other with teases laden with sexual innuendo. And of course, we publicly admired each other's fabulous sense of fashion and style.
The thing I love most about Fran is his ability to engage so passionately in every experience. He can be eating a fricking burrito, and you just want to grab it out of his hand and bite it to see what's so damn delectable about it.
Fran makes whomever he talks to feel like the only person in the room. His huge blue eyes are completely mesmerizing and when you talk, he really listens. No, he HEARS you. He's incredibly smart and intuitive. And no one talks smut like my man Fran. I think I may have peed my pants just a little talking trash with him.
I've never gotten mad at him. NEVER. Not even a little bit annoyed. He exudes openness and love and you can't help but get all warm and fuzzy inside whenever he's around.
Whenever I think of him, I have a little pang of jealousy and regret. The citizens of Chicago better know how lucky they are to have such a fabulous man in their midst. I don't have a gay boyfriend where I live and it's KILLING ME. Every girl NEEDS a gay boyfriend. It's just unnatural (for me) not to have one. All my friends have kids and serious careers and normal lives. I want someone who will be 16 again with me.
So here's my personal ad.
MF seeks GM for good times. Must enjoy theater, fine dining, shopping, smutty conversation and singing show tunes. Familiarity with American Idol a plus.
Fran can't be replaced, but I sure would like a good substitute.