My house smells like the fricking zoo.

Seriously, it smells like the fricking zoo.

I�m not ashamed to admit it. I mean, I�m not the best housekeeper in the world, but I�m not the worst, either. I�m not one of those people you see on the news who have their children and pets put into foster care because they're living in squalor and feces is everywhere. I�m just obsessive-compulsive enough to keep my home in fairly respectable condition.

I like to keep the house picked up in case someone drops by (which rarely happens because I am Queen of the Losers) and I vacuum and dust regularly. I try to keep up with the rolling balls of pet fur that seem to multiply in a creepy X-files kind of way, and I don�t leave baskets of unfolded laundry around unattended, due to a certain canine companion's penchant for eating socks. The kitchen counter is uncluttered, the beds are made, and the toilet is scrubbed.

Don�t get me wrong, I�m not a fanatic. If one of the cats misses the litter box a little, I wait juuuuust long enough to see if maybe The Dog With The Taste For Cat Turds will eat it before I run my lazy ass all the way downstairs for the paper towel to pick it up. I don�t run the garbage disposal after every banana peel I drop in and there's unknown crud in the sink drainer basket. And I want to be clear about one more thing...I don�t rinse the tub after I shave my legs. But generally speaking, I'm no slobola.

So why does my house smell like the fricking zoo? I�m getting to that. Sheesh.

I have hardwood floors in my home, which I love. Dirt cannot embed itself in hardwood the way it can in a nice berber carpet. Swiffer, sweep, vacuum. That�s it. Easy. I left the floors in the living room and the staircase bare, but in the dining room, I have a rather lovely area rug.

Several times a year I like to pull out the ol� carpet cleaner and steam clean all the softy surfaces in the house, especially the rug in the dining room. It�s in a high traffic area, and with 3 dogs and 2 cats, this is a necessity, not an option. I drag all the furniture out of the dining room and steam to my heart�s content. It�s very satisfying to pour all that grimy water down the drain, and the house smells all nice and springy FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES.

I�m no scientist, but I have figured out enough about the laws of nature to know this...

Thus, my house smells like the fricking zoo.