I turned myself in.
My friends and family are starting to worry about me, so I made the call. Surprisingly, I received an immediate response and was flown to California the very next day. Here is a portion of the transcript from my appearance on the Dr. Phil Show.
VOICE OVER: This is going to be a changing day in your life.
DR. PHIL: Today we are talking with women who want to know if their behavior is normal.
Our next guest is Marie, whose addiction to the show “American Idol” has spun out of control into an obsession for the show’s runner up, Clay Aiken.
ME: He was NOT the runner up and I wish everyone would STOP SAYING THAT!
DR. PHIL: Isn't there a part of you that knows this is irrational?
ME: I guess so. But, Dr. Phil, did you see the red leather jacket? Did you see the black suit with the silver tie? DID YOU HEAR HIM SING ‘BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER’? DID YOU?
DR. PHIL: Okay, I understand you appreciate his talent and boyishly handsome good looks. But let’s talk about YOU. How is this affecting your life? Is it interfering with your relationship with your friends? Your family?
ME: Well, I am spending an inordinate amount of time on the computer looking for pictures and videos and mp3s, but other than that, my life is chugging along in a fairly normal fashion.
DR. PHIL: Well, we have someone on the line who may disagree with what you just said. Caller, are you there?
AMY: Hi, Dr. Phil.
DR. PHIL: Now, you are Marie's best friend, is that right?
AMY: That’s right.
DR. PHIL: And what do you have to say about all of this?
AMY: Dr. Phil, she’s SICK. SHE HAS A PROBLEM. YOU NEED TO GET HER SOME HELP. Everyone she knows thinks so.
She has around FOUR of his CDs. And all these magazines with pictures of him! Including TIGER BEAT!
The last time I went to visit her she made me sit and watch EVERY SINGLE ONE of Clay’s performances on American Idol! Then I had to listen to HER sing and tell her she was better than most of the people in the Top Ten!
She’s going to Cleveland to see this ridiculous concert and she doesn’t even live in Cleveland! And she’s going to dress up like him too!
She even thought about asking one of her dearest friends to reschedule her wedding so she could see this Clay Aiken character in concert in her hometown!
ME: HEY! THAT WAS JUST A JOKE!
AMY: Shut up, Marie, you need to hear this. She’s over the top, way out of control. Every time I call her to talk, it’s Clay sang this or Clay said that. No one cares about Clay Aiken but her!
ME: THAT’S NOT TRUE! THERE ARE TONS OF PEOPLE WAY MORE OBSESSED WITH CLAY THAN I! Of course, I’m his biggest fan...
DR. PHIL: Woman, what the hell are you thinking?
ME: What do you mean?
DR. PHIL: Don't ask the question unless you're willing to hear the answer. What the hell are you doing buying TIGER BEAT? I'm not trying to beat you up. I'm trying to wake you up.
ME: I just don’t see why this is such a big problem. I’m not STALKING the guy or anything! SHUT UP AMY AND DO NOT SAY A WORD... I just think HE IS THE GREATEST THING TO HIT THE WORLD SINCE SLICED BREAD.
DR. PHIL: Oh, what a load of crap! This is abnormal and you know it. Just stop it. Today. You’re a grown woman, for God’s sake. Grow up and act like one.
ME: (under my breath) You’re not the boss of me.
DR. PHIL: What? Did you say something?
ME: I just said, you’re right Dr. Phil, thanks for the advice.
DR. PHIL: We’ll be checking up on you to see how you’re doing with all this.
ME: Okay, great. I’m looking forward to that.
(chanting under my breath) You can’t make me...You can’t make me...
DR. PHIL: We’ll be right back after this break, folks. Be right back.