July 26, 2003

Invisible

I don't know how he does it, but Clay Aiken makes every song sound great with that fricking voice of his.

Here�s a perfect example. (Don�t go running away because you think this is going to be one of those diary entries where someone quotes LIKE TOTALLY KEWL LYRICS THAT RULE THE WORLD 4EVR. I promise to deliver snark.)

Clay�s first full length CD will be released sometime this fall, so management has him testing out this HORRIBLE song called "Invisible" on the American Idols concert tour to see how it will be received.

Are these asshats for real?

Of course people are going to love this piece of crap song. CLAY AIKEN IS SINGING IT.

I thought The Suits had focus groups for this kind of thing where they round up folks on the street who have never heard of Clay Aiken, have them listen to his music and then give them free CDs and tee shirts for their time. I guess it makes sense that the concert audience IS the focus group, because these are the fans who are going to buy the CD. Probably multiple copies, too.

But I digress..

Now, you would be hard pressed to find two more obsessed, I mean, dedicated Clay fans than Kelly and myself, but we both agree that this song is HOOEY. Thank goodness Clay had the good sense to add all the shirt grabbing and deep knee bending to his concert performance of it, or he would have had a fricking revolt on his hands. My Downy Ball is so smart. Me likey.

Despite the song�s mediocre melody, I find the song perpetually stuck in my head. And it might not even be due to the million gajillion kazillion times I watched the concert videos of it.

BUT THE LYRICS. OH MY GOD THESE LYRICS. THIS SONG MAY VERY WELL HAVE THE WORST LYRICS EVER WRITTEN.

This song is downright creepy. Check it out.

What are you doing tonight

I wish I could be a fly on your wall

Are you really alone

Still in your dreams

Why can't I bring you into my life

What would it take to make you see that I'm alive

UM CAN YOU SAY STALKER?

And now, the chorus...

If I was invisible

Then I could just watch you in your room

If I was invisible

I'd make you mine tonight

If hearts were unbreakable

Then I can just tell you where I stand

I would be the smartest man

If I was invisible

(Wait..I already am) - this part is all whispery special effects

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT? "I WOULD BE THE SMARTEST MAN?" WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? SINCE WHEN ARE VOYEURS SMART?

AND WHERE DO YOU STAND, BY THE WAY? APPARENTLY OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW. I SMELL A RESTRAINING ORDER.

Is it possible for this song to get any weirder? Apparently so...

I saw your face in the crowd

I called out your name

You don't hear a sound

I keep tracing your steps

Each move that you make

Wish I could be what goes through your mind

Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life

OKAY, THIS IS THE PART CLAY�S FANS DO NOT NEED TO HEAR. IT�S GONNA GIVE THEM IDEAS, MAN! NOT GOOD!

AND WHAT EXACTLY ARE THE COLORS OF YOUR LIFE? CAN THEY ACTUALLY TOUCH SOMEONE? DO COLORS HAVE ARMS AND HANDS FOR TOUCHING? CAN I SPECIFY WHICH PARTS I WANT TO TOUCH?

How about this bridge before the final chorus?

I reach out

But you don't even see me

Even when I'm screaming

Baby, you don't hear me

I am nothing without you

Just a shadow passing through...

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! THIS SOUNDS LIKE A SERIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER.

BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID.

I can�t WAIT for this CD to be released!

Wendy in FL
Marie, you know you're the Queen Baby!! Standing O's all around ...
2003-07-26 12:27:13

Wendy in FL
Another thought... If he was invisible... he could just LOCK us in our rooms and then he'd have no problem makin' us his tonight!! (Like that creepy Kevin Bacon movie!)
2003-07-26 12:31:12

Pattigirl
You are obsessed but it is REALLY fun to watch! And, you are creative and talented, too. You need to get your site powered up to the top of search engines (maybe a hotter name?) to share your talents. Meanwhile, you should email all those hosts on "The View" and clue them in to some great material for Wednesday's interview....
2003-07-26 12:47:33

Nelle
Um, I don't know what you wrote about today....my mind is all twitterpatted from looking at that photo. *gulp*
2003-07-26 13:23:41

michelle
hmmm....I couldn't help but wonder when I was looking at Clay's picture . . . well, I wonder what side Clay "dresses" on if you know what I mean. Sorry, it's Saturday and all I've had to eat is red licorice.
2003-07-26 14:27:24

Karen W.
I see your point. The lyrics are laughable, but I really don't take them literally. Maybe it's the teenager that is still buried deep-down inside me. I really DON'T see it as a STALKING-per say. At least I hope NOT!! To me, the lyrics evoke a feeling of passion & longing-albeit, a bit "unhealthy", but then why do you think the lyrics appeal to "Clay's fans". Maybe a role reversal. I don't take it too seriously, I Love the song, but I get your opinion & DO ENJOY your comedic & somewhat horrified thoughts on lyrics!!
2003-07-26 16:27:23

Kaye
I agree that this is not the song that will change the world or anything, but it will probably get good airplay and possibly even be a hit.

I can see how a lot of people get a stalker vibe from the lyrics, but I see them more as expressing a deep sense of longing and fantasy.
And I hate to be a nitpicker but the words are:

If I was invisible Then I could just watch you in your room If I was INVINCIBLE I'd make you mine tonight

2003-07-26 17:05:19

Wendy in FL
Ya know - I think he means that he'd be the smartest man in that whole Bill Murray, "Groundhog Day" meaning... if he could follow you around he'd know what kind of toilet paper you use and maybe your favorite pair of underwear or maybe your choice of certain feminine products - THAT would come in handy while he's trying to impress a girl... You know, he could buy her a box of her favorite brand... what? Oh, okay, maybe I'm over analyzing this ...
2003-07-27 00:08:50

Lyn
Right on, Marie! If I couldn't pop in his demo tape and lean back into "I Know How the River Feels," "Not Supposed to Love you anymore," or "Look what love has done," I'd be unable to restrain my pissy nature waiting for Clay's mgt to stop getting in the way of that voice and let it loose on some great songs. I personally need to hear him do "When a Man Loves a Woman" just once.
2003-07-26 18:34:23

Pats
Marie, I agree with you, and the whole thing makes me uneasy. Like he'll be held up to ridicule in the music media before he even gets started; lord knows there's enough jealous asshats looking for an excuse! Let's get a grassroots campaign going with RCA or something, to keep Invisible on the back burner. Lyn makes a good point - that his mgmt. should stop getting in the way, and just let That Voice with That Heart do his thing.
2003-07-28 09:45:57

juliem
Marie, Although I don't entirely agree with you, I can see your point. Especially when it's so well written and as always, so funny! I prefer to see it like Karen W. does. If you don't read it too literally. But like you said, Clay could sing ANYTHING and make it sound incredible. And, of course, we'd buy it. Thanks so much for your wit and wisdom and please keep it coming!
2003-07-28 22:11:23

Wendy in FL
Marie, I don't know... I've reconsidered and now I think they're all right... Especially Karen W. - I mean, what Insight... what clarity of thought... did she write that the day she had a nervous breakdown in the LBFCA guestbook??? I think she was thinking at her most clear on THAT day... NOT!!!!!!!!!!
2003-07-31 15:51:27

Trudi - ClaynadianMomma
Michelle - to the left, I think, HIS left, that is - our right. (What you BLIND, girl??)........ Re lyrics: definitely a bad choice for Clay, considering his stated opinion on HIS stalkers. Definitely also the role-reversal thing. Also, definitely, it wasn't MEANT as a stalker-song when it was written, I'm sure, it's just that since we all stalk Clay in our dreams.... Do you remember the song "Don't be concerned... it will not harm you... It's only me persuing something I'm not sure of... Across my dreams... with nets of wonder... I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love"
2003-09-06 07:59:08

Mary
... and another thing ... the refrain is grammatically incorrect! To quote: "The subjunctive mood is used in dependent clauses that do the following: 1) express a wish; 2) begin with if and express a condition that does not exist (is contrary to fact); 3) begin with as if and as though when such clauses describe a speculation or condition contrary to fact; and 4) begin with that and express a demand, requirement, request, or suggestion. A new section on the uses of the Conditional should help you understand the subjunctive. She wishes her boyfriend were here. If Juan were more aggressive, he'd be a better hockey player. We would have passed if we had studied harder. He acted as if he were guilty. I requested that he be present at the hearing. So, there's your grammar lesson for the day!
2003-10-03 14:23:02