Things are getting on my nerves.

It all started when I went to Borders to buy my copy of Rolling Stone with Clay on the cover and I saw a book by Alan Thicke. Alan Fricking Thicke. Who in their right mind would publish a book by this dude? I mean, he was on GROWING PAINS. The worst show in the history of television. I bet Leonardo DiCaprio is kicking his own ass for signing on to that train wreck. Normally I would have picked up this book and flipped through the pages to see what this nonsense was all about, but I was so outraged by the fact that it was even on the shelf, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just walked by it huffing and puffing and rolling my eyes. If it weren't for that Rolling Stone making me so happy, I would have given one of those Borders people a piece of my fricking mind.

I just got this new computer. I love it completely, except for the CD burner drive, which doesn't work. So I can't make copies upon copies of my bootleg Clay Aiken CDs to force upon my unwilling friends and family members. "Listen to this. I mean, you have got to hear this boy sing. Have you ever heard a voice like this in YOUR EVER LIVING LIFE?", I would say. But I can't say because the fricking CD burner drive is hooey. So after hours and hours on the phone with customer service reps and technical experts who kept rerouting my call to someone more incompetent...after following directions to click this and open that...after spending 20 bucks on obsolete CD-Rs...after I asked the rep on the other end of the phone if she was TRAINED TO LIE TO CUSTOMERS when customers tried to pursue an actual resolution to their technical problems...after the rep on the phone advised me to take the fricking side panel off the CPU and unplug the drive, thus releasing a smell of burning plastic that permeated every nook of my humble home...they figured out that the DRIVE DIDN'T WORK. DUH! I tried telling them that the first hundred times I called! When I finally threatened to return the computer (which, of course I wouldn't do now that I have about 100 pictures of Clay saved on my hard drive, and I wouldn't dream of losing them), they hightailed a new drive to my house to be installed. Ah, sweet justice. I can't wait to burn, baby, burn.

I've got two nerves left. Alan Thicke and my CD burner drive are sitting on them.