Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Tony walks in from checking the mailbox. 

“You might want this,” he says, and tosses a Priority Mail package into my hands.  I don’t even need to look at the Tulsa, Oklahoma return address to know.  My Hanson order has arrived.

I’ve been trying not to spend money frivolously over the last year, but I couldn’t resist any longer.  I had to have it.  The Middle Of Nowhere Acoustic CD/DVD set.  On May 6, 2007, Hanson recorded an acoustic version of their debut album, ten years to the date of its release.  It wasn’t expensive, but it wasn’t a necessity, so I waited.  We didn’t check the mail yesterday, but based on its position in the mailbox, we’re assuming it arrived yesterday, exactly one year after the 10th anniversary recording.  A fun coincidence, no?

I also had to have the Hanson keychain and black v-neck tee shirt.  I ordered the extra-large, since babydoll shirts tend to run small, but apparently this thing isn’t babydoll, because the thing is the size of a small pup tent.  Ah well, it’ll be just fine for knocking around the house. 

AND I GUESS THAT MEANS I WILL HAVE TO ORDER ANOTHER HANSON TEE SHIRT TO WEAR IN PUBLIC.

I only have one question. 

Who’s Bob?

Saturday, May 03, 2008

God, I love today.  It’s the first day in weeks that I’ve given up to complete and utter laziness.  The last two weeks have been pretty crazy - my mom was in the hospital and ended up having some surgery, and I went to Buffalo to help her out during her recovery.  We’re very fortunate and happy that she is totally fine and is back to her normal self.  (She hates when I write about her on my blog so that’s all I’m going to say about that...)

Thursday night was Hanson night.  We took the Walk again, which is the event they hold prior to each show.  Hanson walks a barefoot mile with fans and megaphones to raise awareness and money for children and families in Africa.  I was going to support their cause by buying TOM’s shoes (for every pair you buy, another pair is donated to a child in Africa - VERY cool, I think), but we found out recently that some of the money from the sale of TOMs shoes through Hanson supports a research hospital in Soweto which circumcises children as part of AIDS prevention.  I don’t believe circumcision prevents AIDS in any way, shape or form, and I definitely don’t believe in circumcising a non-consenting child.  Sorry, Hanson! 

Taylor pointed out in his speech on this walk that this generation of kids (we were definitely part of the “old fogie” contingency and in the very small minority of fans who weren’t chaperoning children) is unlike any other - their greatest worries are what kind of iPod to buy and what college to attend (rather than whether they’ll be able to attend college at all).  This is one of my favorite subjects to whine about, so when he started on about it, my ears pricked right up.  Instead of a good old-fashioned bitch and moan fest with some nice, IN MY DAYs thrown in, Taylor had to go and be all kinds of inspirational, telling these teens and twenty-somethings that they have the unique opportunity to create change in this world, and prove everyone wrong.  And he’s right, which makes me mad and jealous.  Which I am allowed to be because I am old. 

And so here’s Hanson being all motivational:

I usually spend the first few days of a concert in a slight state of mania.  I’ve been listening to the a cappella song “Change in My Life” and acousting Mmmmbop on a nonstop loop, but all in all, I’d only classify the Hanson obsession as a low-level one, the highest being Shaun Cassidy, Donny Osmond, Howard Jones, The Police, and of course, Clay Aiken.

The Clay Aiken obsession makes me sort of sad, though.  I can’t believe what he’s become.  I see pictures like this:

photo: Dlisted

and I barely recognize the person in them.  I didn’t want to see him in Spamalot on Broadway (me!  didn’t want to see a Broadway show!) and I have no interest in buying his new CD.  It sounds almost exactly like the last CD he put out, but worse.  He hocked the thing on QVC, for god’s sake.  And I don’t even want him to come out of the closet, because I don’t want him to ruin gayness for me.  I love gay men almost as much as I love breathing air, and I don’t want him tainting that in any way.  He should just stay in the closet with his large collection of oversized Carolina hoodies and ill-fitting suits.  Whatever happened to American Idol Clay, I don’t know, but I know he’s not coming back, and that’s what bums me out.

In other news, Robbie Williams is porking out in America:

photo: Metro.co.uk

which is a wonderful thing.  I love him.  I’ll never understand how he can be a huge sensation in Europe and barely known here, but whatevs.  Hopefully he’ll take his current fascination with extraterrestrials on the road and end up somewhere near DC and we’ll find ourselves with Robbie Williams as a houseguest.  Nothing would please me more.

I’m so sorry I haven’t been so good at keeping in touch with people lately.  Just think, though.  Summer vacation is around the corner which means lots of blog stalking and maniacal emailing is heading your way in the very near future!  You’re trembling with excitement, aren’t you?!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I think people are surprised to learn that I am a HUGE fan of the Howard Stern show.  I’ve listened for years, and even chose a car for the specific reason that it had built in Sirius satellite radio.  I have a long commute, and couldn’t imagine what it would be like without the Stern show to start my day.

Tony and I email each other frequently throughout the day about what’s happening on the show, and since I can’t listen at work, he fills me in on what I’m missing.  Today I was shocked when he told me that Artie Lange (allegedly - we’ll see how it plays out) resigned from the show after a huge on-air argument with his assistant Teddy.  Artie’s gone bananas on people before, like when he threw a CD case at Sal, so I was expecting something on that level.  Tony recorded the show for me so I loaded up the mp3 when I got home, and I was in no way prepared for what I heard.

It started out with Artie and Teddy arguing in the hall, and Howard asked them into the studio to find out what was going on.  First, Artie described a problem he had with the way Teddy handled some business for him involving his passport (including leaving photocopies of his passport in a copy machine), which he totally should have been pissed about.  The airing of grievances quickly escalated and ended up with Artie revealing how much money Teddy had borrowed from him since taking on the assistantship.  Artie clearly resented the fact that Teddy would never be in the position to pay him back, and called Teddy a whole bunch of disparaging names.  Artie accused Teddy of stealing money from him, went off on Teddy’s overall ineptitude, and said he hated him.  Artie said he didn’t have the heart to fire Teddy because he felt sorry for him and besides, what would Teddy do otherwise? 

Because we couldn’t see what was happening (and I doubt they’re going to air it on HowardTV, because they didn’t replay the show today either), I don’t know how the next few seconds played out but all of a sudden there was a bunch of screaming in the studio, and everyone was screaming at Teddy to get out and close the door fast.  There was some talk that Artie threw a bottle of water at Teddy, because Teddy was wet, but I can’t be sure if that’s what happened or not.  Robin was flipping out (wondering what the hell was wrong with everyone in this place!) and everyone else was pretty much speechless.  Artie went to the green room to chill out for a few minutes before returning to the studio.

Initially there was some discussion about Howard egging the argument on and causing it to escalate, which I absolutely did not believe was true.  Howard was doing what Howard always does - asking questions of people to evoke some interesting content.  Fights happen all the time and have for years on the show, but never has anything escalated to this point since the AJ Benza/Stuttering John incident.  Eventually Howard just told Artie he simply couldn’t act this way at work.  Artie agreed, said he couldn’t be trusted, resigned from the show, and left.

Teddy came back into the studio and Howard reassured him he didn’t do anything wrong, but Teddy was unsure as to what this weekend would hold for him.  A bunch of the guys were off to Amsterdam this weekend for Jason’s bachelor party (including Artie and Teddy), so there was some discussion about whether or not Artie would go.  Teddy said he wanted to and still planned to go.  Howard, Gary (who was really shaken by the whole thing), Robin and Fred spent some time talking about what they could possibly do about this.  Could Artie return to the show after this?  What if he went off like this on a guest?  Nothing was really resolved and Jason Reitman came in for his interview, which was a good break from the intensity of the last forty minutes or so. 

I didn’t get to listen to the rest of the show, or to the Wrap-Up Show, so I’m not sure what was discussed after that.  And they didn’t run any replays this afternoon, which I’m not sure is a good thing or a bad thing.  What I do know is that I was actually on the verge of tears listening to this whole thing unfold. 

Artie reminds me a lot of the Italian men in my family.  They’re wonderful, generous guys, whose purpose in life is to make other people happy.  They develop long and lasting friendships with people and even in business, clients and employees are treated as friends.  The one problem is that they want so much to be the good guys all the time, they don’t know how to assert themselves when something isn’t working out for them.  Instead of addressing awkward or uncomfortable situations calmly, they wait until so much resentment builds up that they explode.  It doesn’t happen often but when it does, you remember it.  My dad used to get so aggravated with us in the car on family trips, he’d pull the car over, get out, and threaten to walk home.  We’d be in the back seat freaking out, he’d come back, we’d be quiet for about 200 miles and then the whole thing would start all over again.  We laugh about it now, but it’s the same kind of thing that happened with Artie today.  I think he wasn’t able to communicate to Teddy as his boss, because he’s so used to being his friend and his hero, in a way, that he doesn’t ever want to be the bad guy.  Instead of firing Teddy, I think he tried to get Teddy to quit, which of course I’m sure Teddy wasn’t about to do.  The whole thing was a big mess, and it makes me so sad to think Artie might not be back on the show next week.  There’s a reason he’s the fan favorite, and the show wouldn’t be at all the same without him. 

I’m also terrified about Artie’s current state of mind.  I think he’s been on the verge of some kind of breakdown for a while, there’s no denying that.  I really hope he doesn’t go to Amsterdam, because that would just be a den of self-destruction in which he could hibernate.  Hopefully someone close to him will stay physically close to him for the next few days and give him some much-needed support.  If Artie’s gonna get help, he’s got to do it himself, but this is a crisis situation and I’m sure the people who love him won’t abandon or ignore him right now.  George Takei, Artie needs you!

I’m sure this long-winded report and analysis of what happened today on the Howard Stern show seems pretty strange to anyone reading this (unless you’re a Stern fan, of course).  It may sound crazy to say that people who listen to the show feel like they know Artie (and everyone else, for that matter), but it’s true.  We listen to them every day for four or five hours a day.  That’s more time than I spend listening to my own boyfriend or family talk each week!  We’ve grown to care about these people and not just as “characters.” There’s something raw and genuine about all of them, and we can’t help but feel invested. 

As much as I hate the idea of Artie leaving, I think he does need to take a break.  Maybe he could take a sabbatical for a few months and go get his shit together at a spa in Italy.  It might completely change his perspective.  Once he gets things under control, he could come back to the show.

Anyway, if you’re not a Stern fan, this whole post will be a bunch of blabbery nonsense to you.  I’m hoping some Stern fans will stumble upon this post and leave some comments for me because I’d really like to hear what other people are thinking about everything that happened and everything that’s going to happen as a result. 

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Linus is doing GREAT.  He’s happy and calm and peeing where he’s supposed to be peeing.  Emmett’s slowly learning that the moment he chases or pounces on Linus, he goes into iso.  And the Smoosh is her general ornery self (except at treat-time). 

Ariel, on the other hand?  Not so great.

You know those big soaking tubs that people like to have in the corner of their bathrooms nowadays?  Well, we have one of those.  I hate it.  I never use it and it’s a giant pain in the ass to clean.  And I find myself having to clean it quite frequently because ARIEL HAS DECIDED TO START POOPING IN IT.  We thought it might have been a one-time thing, but no.  And when we closed the door to our bathroom, she just went on over to the other bathroom and pooped in that tub, instead. 

And to make matters worse (I can’t believe I’m about to tell this to the internets), Tony found pee in...are you ready for this?… THE HEATING VENT today.  Can you imagine how lovely that smelled when the heat kicked in?  (Yes, it was hailing today.) Tony was shoulder-deep, cleaning ductwork, after proclaiming to me that he’d lost the will to live.  Now, this isn’t the first time that’s happened, but it’s the first time in a LONG time.  So peeing in the vent no longer qualifies as a one-time event, it now qualifies as a g.d. crisis.  This weekend I’m going to try one more thing - changing Ariel’s litter and leaving her in the bedroom to chill for a few days (bathroom door closed) to see if she uses the litterbox for her business - and then it’s another freaking trip to the vet. 

In the last year, I think it’s safe to say we’ve spent close to 2500 dollars on caring for our cats.  Between regular checkups, Ariel’s bladder stone surgery, and The Big Pee Crisis of ‘08, that’s a pretty fair estimate. 

Yep, that’s it for now.  I’ve not lost my patience yet, but I’ve most certainly lost my mind.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Because I don’t have enough to do, I went and started another blog, inspired by a recent picture from my friend Ryan.

Pockets and Purses

Since someone stole my what’s in your fridge? blog idea (bitches!), I thought, ooh, wouldn’t it be fun to see what kind of crap people carry around in their pockets and purses.  And the answer was yes, yes it would.  It would be so fun.  Fun like no one on Teh Internets has ever experienced before, not since the advent of rickrolling.

I know, I know, “Pockets and Purses” sounds like one of those Paint Shop Pro tutorial websites adorned with cockeyed teddy bears and lace.  But “stuff in my pockets” (a much cooler name) was taken, and anyway, I’d have to have “stuff in my purse” too, and two more websites is just more than I can handle. 

So email me some pictures of your stuff to pocketsandpurses (at) gmail (dot) com, k?  And tell me what the stuff is so I can tell the internet. 

Yep.  It happened today.  I’m aware of it.  I’ve laughed at it.  Oh, how I’ve laughed.  But I never thought it would happen to me.

I got rickrolled.

I was sifting through my google reader, and found a story about McDonalds’ chicken nuggets under investigation after the discovery of a “disturbing video.” Vegan rage and curiosity kicked in and I clicked the video link, fully expecting to be outraged by proof that McDonalds’ chicken contain a host of foul ingredients, like roach testicles.  (Do roaches have testicles, btw?) Instead?  Rick Astley.  Doing the hip-shifty-never-gonna-give-you-up dance.  God, I love that dance.  WHAT?

And yes, I watched the whole video and sang along. 

Sunday, March 23, 2008

I’m boycotting Easter because Peeps are still not vegan. 

I guess I’ll just have to love Peeps from afar.  I’ll get my fix from the Washington Post Peeps Show. 

My favorite?  Project Peepway, of course. 

Look at little Christian Peepiano!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

I’ve been in hibernation mode for the last few days, so I took it upon myself to learn the nuts and bolts of Expression Engine and play around with CSS a bit.  I modified the blog’s most recent black and pink design and ended up with this one, giving a nod to my favorite movie, Waiting for Guffman.  I’m no coding expert, for sure, so this site is completely messed up in Internet Explorer.  But since I hate Explorer and I hate its ass face, I can live with viewing it in Firefox exclusively. 

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Dear American Idol,

I hate you.

-Me

Saturday, March 08, 2008

My nephew is three.  He’s hilarious.  The one and only thing that would make my brother and sister-in-law better parents is if they taught him to speak strictly in a British accent.  (Because is there anything better than a kid who talks with a British accent?  No.  There isn’t.)

My brother is teaching my nephew the important things in life, though, like how to quote television shows.  Currently the focus is on one of our favorites, Extras.  “Are you havin’ a laugh?” and “Yumma yumma yumma” are now a regular part of the kid’s vernacular.  But like all three year olds, Alex participates in parroting quotes only when he wants to parrot quotes.  This was the email I received from my brother yesterday:

JIM:  Are you havin’ a laugh?  ARE YOU HAVIN’ A LAUGH?
ALEX:  NO DAAAAAAAAAADDY!  I’m not having a laugh.  I don’t have to have a laugh.

Hee.  I love that kid.